The Woman

Posted on by LittleFears

As she slithered out of the sea, she felt her the cold air against her twelve nipples. They stood erect and perky, like dried pinto beans. On further inspection, the sea-beast noticed her boobs had swollen after a prolonged visit to the bottom of the ocean. She felt sexual today. She flicked her head back sending the droplets of water tumbling down her scale-covered boobs. It was that moment she realised the horror of her situation.

“Ah, fuck it,” she grumbled. “I’m being written by a man…”

I jest, I jest!

Did you see the Facebook drama last week about men and women writing from the opposite gender’s point of view? No, neither did I, I frickin’ hate Facebook. But I did see it when it spilt across Twitter and the blogosphere.

In my opinion, you should be allowed to write whatever you want and it’s a stupid debate.

Although, I would always say if you’re going to write something gender-specific, go ask a member of the opposite sex to read your text. Or you may find your work being mocked mercilessly (and usually, quite rightly) on Men Write Women over on Twatter. (Linky: twitter.com/men_write_women )

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71 thoughts on “The Woman”

  3. I missed that drama too….thankfully. I have cut so far back on my Facebook time, and find I don’t miss it at all. I can use that time to add yet another book to my weekly reading list!

    Great post! Always makes me smile.

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    1. I never visit Facebook. Twitter you can be more picky with your timeline and lists. Facebook is a messy free-for-all with far too many crappy opinions, heh.

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  4. I have so many women friends complaining about how the character of Khaleesi from Game of thrones was destroyed by male writers. I find it hilarious and amusing.

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    2. People seem to forget that Game of Thrones is a series of books written by George R.R. Martin. It’s not just a TV programme. (Now it’s finished, I hope he can find the time to finish the books. I didn’t watch the TV series.) I’ve heard too many people talking about it as if it’s an HBO invention.

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  5. Very good satire on opposite gender writing gone wrong. Whenever I write female characters or characters outside of my ethnic background, I have the decency to ask people what works and what doesn’t.

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    1. Cheers, Osprey. It really depends on what’s happening with the characters. If they’re sitting having a cuppa tea talking about the weather, I can’t see anything going wrong with it. It’s only for ethnic/gender-specific writing that it’s worth getting an opinion o before you publish.

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      1. Definitely. It’s one thing if you have characters just talking about whatever which is fine. A character’s gender, ethnicity, orientation, religion, etc. shouldn’t be the only defining thing about this or that protagonist. It’s always good to do research and ask people from the group you plan on writing a character who’s from that same group.

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    1. Hah, cheers, Debbie. It’s just so… Stupid… Imagine if this was a strict rule throughout the ages, I’d never have my beloved Poirot! Haha.

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  13. Just another reason why FB would drive me mad (I don’t do it – I couldn’t face it). So, here we go then, books by male authors must have entirely male ‘casts’ and vice versa? I’m sorry Ms Austen, but you’re gonna have to drop that Darcy character, unless you make him a her… It’s such a load of bollocks isn’t it? I can’t write a female character, because I’m not female, but I can write a flesh eating extra terrestrial miasma – as long as it’s male… As ever, you are spot on. If in doubt, ask, but fiction is fiction and I do not believe in average man or average woman. There is no normal…

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  14. I missed this bit of drama, but I remember the uproar a few years back when it came out that an author using a male pen name was actually a female. Whoa! Readers felt betrayed…Why? You either liked the book or you didn’t.

    A quote from the movie, “As Good As It Gets” comes to mind. In response to the question as to how he writes women so well, Jack Nicholson’s character responds, “I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability.” Really mean, and wrong, but it made me laugh.

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  16. I agree that you should be able to write whatever you like (and you are able, who cares what anonymous trolls on Facebook think?). It becomes an issue when you’re writing solely from the point of view of another gender or ethnicity as if you are an authority on it and you obviously have no clue what you’re talking about. But even then, it could be an unintentional comedy!

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    1. I actually didn’t know this came about from anonymous trolls, I assumed it was just the usual writing group sperg that’s been going on for years on FB. I would agree if you’re passing yourself off as a female expert on women’s rights but are really a man, that’s problematic.

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      1. Oh, no I was just being snarky. I use the term “anonymous troll” to refer to pretty much everyone on Facebook. Haha

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    1. Haven’t been on FB in years, except to respond to an odd page DM. I haven’t even done that since the ToS change last year? I agree, let bad writing fall into obscurity.

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    1. I can agree with that, but I’d always advise asking the opposite gender when writing gender-specific experiences (such as sex and putting on make-up).

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  20. This one is nothing new. In fact, the ongoing issue is one of the final straws that caused me to leave Twitter. Since erotica is what I write, I sought out similar writers. The loudest gaggle of female erotica writers were constantly trashing not only male authors, but any women that didn’t write the way they did or accept their ideas on neo-feminism.

    I actually did a post about this on my own blog.

    Look, reality is men do write differently than women, and it’s FAR rarer to see quality erotica from men. They get caught up in the act and visual descriptions vs sensuality and emotion like women do. Saying that no men can write decent erotica or even descriptions of women is like saying no women can lift over 200 pounds in weight. It might be uncommon but it’s certainly possible.

    What the shrill voices are missing is that they’re missing two opportunities. First is the chance to constructively educate men on how to write erotica that will appeal to them also. The other is the chance to try to understand what men find appealing so they can expand their own audiences.

    I try to walk a line that will appeal to both. Lots of sensuality and emotion, but visual elements like bra sizes that men find appealing and help them better visualize scenes also.

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    1. Ooof, yeah, the erotica community has its own league of bat-shit members that give the rest a bad name. A lot of them seem to gloss over the idea that different people like different things, as well. If anyone tried anything like Grey from 50 Shades on my missus, she’d punch their lights out. You’re not going to get variety in erotica or writing in general if you don’t let a variety of people write.

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  26. Yes! I read about this on facebook. A lot of my of people on my timeline complained because they felt that men wrote women in a terrible light. Focusing to much on sex while not really undereranding the female body. Yet, I have a female body and I can’t accuratly tell you everything about it. Nor can I give you a good description of an event from the point of view of every women. But I can write from a guys point of view just fine (as long as sex isn’t the topic). Really it just doesn’t matter in the end. It really comes down to skill and practice.

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    1. Exactly. I’d say it goes further into our daily lives. SUch as fixing a ladder in your tights and boob sweat, to occasionally adjusting bollocks when sitting down while wearing jeans. But if you don’t know something, just ask. It’s not hard to find a member of the opposite sex to read something before you publish it.

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      1. That is true. I think the problem is that some writers do not do that. So others use it as an excuse to say that people can only write about the gender they idenify with when really that isn’t the case. It is a start though to have someone who understands those situations to proof read an authors work to make sure that it sounds and reads well. Also boob sweat is the worst. I would not wish that on anyone no matter how cruel that may be.

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  27. I read Stephen King as a kid, and let me just say that rereading it as an adult I was shocked by the female inaccuracies and CLEARLY male point of view. That being said, not all men reside in Maine.

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  28. Good response for this post. Me thinks ye be on to sumtin’.

    “His organ swelled as he pumped repeatedly. The resonance beneath him rumbled and with a burst, Gothic music blasted from the pipes and the choir joined in, the cathedral throbbing with the heat and ecstasy of the sound.” – am I a woman or a man?

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    1. A 16-year-old boy, pretending to be a 14-year-old girl, writing as a 1990’s teen after reading too much Sandman. #NailedIt #WeveAllBeenThere

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