Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Thanks, Polly Hedron, your help is appreciated,” said Lily hanging up.
“What did she say?” asked Sally.
“She says statistically people who kill twice, always try to kill a third time,” replied Lily.
“You believe statics?” asked Sally.
“Most of the time,” replied Lily. “The other 137% of the time I reckon people exaggerate.”
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“Sally, can I have your phone?” asked Lily.
“Sure,” said Sally handing it over.
Lily began frantically dialling. “Where’s your phone?” asked Sally.
“Oh, I put it under my pillow last night,” sighed Lily. “Woke up to find the phone missing and a pound coin in its place.”
“For the love of,” sighed Sally. “Ruddy Bluetooth fairy.”
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“Ma’am,” said Sally, “call on the radio. They have spotted her.”
“Do they have a location?” asked Lily.
“Yes ma’am,” replied Sally. “The back gardens of Camden Street. She’s been stealing women’s underwear off the washing lines.”
“Good grief,” said Lily. “There’s no end to her villainy.”
A crackle and voice over the radio. “Darn,” said Sally. “It sounds like she gave the constables the slip.”
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“Any idea where she could be heading next?” asked Sally.
“Back in the day she used to be a keen chess player,” said Lily.
“How does that help?” asked Sally.
“Well she liked playing chess in Regents Park with old men,” said Lily.
“Right,” said Sally. “It must be hard to round up thirty-two of them onto a board…”
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“She went straight to her old girlfriend’s house to try and win her back,” said Lily.
“Ah,” said Sally. “So did you catch her again?”
“Afraid not,” sighed Lily. “They had a row.”
“About what?” asked Sally.
“Her partner’s Japanese food obsession,” said Lily.
“Ah,” pondered Sally. “Sushi left her…”
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“It didn’t last,” sighed Lily.
“Oh dear,” gasped Sally, “did she escape?”
“Yes,” replied Lily. “She was last seen screaming arrogant things at the prison guards before falling off the high wall and landing outside.”
“I see,” said Sally, “so she was condescending?”
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“Sally, what do you make of this?” asked Lily.
Sally poked a solid translucent substance by the body.
“It looks like jelly that’s been left out too long to me,” said Lily.
“I agree,” said Sally, collecting some in an evidence bag.
Lily leant against the counter. “So the killer used a congealed weapon.”
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Ooo, too the oldies, she needs no introduction. Capricorn for this weeks #Colour_Collective. The colour this week is Amethyst. I thought I’d try a splash background for this fiendish lady. It works, though on posting on the laptop, it looks awfully harsh. Different screens and all that. Gosh, she’s pretty…
For the new folk to the Fears, my book of horror tales was named after her recurring appearances driving Malcolm to madness throughout. Capricorn is available on Amazon from this linky. https://amzn.to/2N2rWVy
With special thanks
Weekly shout out to my $10 patron, Warren from IWrite. Without people like Warren, I wouldn’t be able to wake you all with my little fears and you’d probably cry a lot less in the morning than you already do. So please do check out Warrens blog.
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“Smoke!” cried Sally.
“Quick,” shouted Lily, “it’s coming from the oven.”
Lily and Sally dashed across the room, yanked the oven door open, and pulled out the trays from inside.
“Ham and pineapple pizza ma’am,” said Sally. “Not only was she illegally cooking Hawaiian pizzas in her breakfast bar, but the oven was on far too hot.”
“She should have known,” replied Lily, “you need to cook them at aloha temperature.”
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“Inspector,” said Lily. “Come and have a look at this.”
Sally wandered over for a look. “What’s this?”
“Looks like a broken cup,” said Lily.
“If I’m not mistaken,” observed Sally, “the cup contained hot chocolate.”
Lily nodded in agreement. “She was mugged…”
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Little Fears 