Little Fears

Poppy’s Door

July 19, 2018 LittleFears14 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 9

“Lily,” sighed Poppy, answering the door.

“Good morning Poppy,” replied Lily. “I have a few questions for you.”

“I don’t like coppers,” mumbled Poppy.

“I don’t like thieves,” replied Lily.

“You know what I don’t like?” asked Sally. “People who answer their own questions.”

Photo by Peter ᴳᴱᴼ Kent on Unsplash

Thank you for joining for today’s tale. If you need more Little Fears groaners, or even horrors, in your life, check out our books on Amazon. There’s no chronology to them and they are all completely separate books so you can start wherever and however you fancy. Except if you eat Kat Kats. Fingers must be snapped and the must, at all times, be eaten individually, lengthways. There are no other legal ways of eating Kit Kats. Period.

https://amzn.to/2NCsmP1

Break Up

July 18, 2018 LittleFears46 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 8

“We broke up eventually on her birthday,” said Lily.

“Oh dear,” said Sally.

“Bad day for it aye,” sighed Lily.

“Yes ma’am,” replied Sally. “May I ask, why on her birthday?”

“She kept asking me to get her something with diamonds in,” moaned Lily.

“What did you get her?” asked Sally.

“A pack of playing cards,” replied Lily.

Photo by Alex Lopez on Unsplash

Thank you for joining me for today’s tale. Would you like a Little Fear on your chest to scare the neighbours’ cat? Check out our Threadless where you can find the mean lady Lucy. She can curdle milk inside the cow with an angry stare. Just think we she could do to the cat pooping in your garden!

https://littlefears.threadless.com/

Empty Drawers

July 17, 2018 LittleFears36 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 7

“Didn’t you used to date Poppy ma’am?” asked Sally.

“For a while,” sighed Lily. “She drove me mad about the usage of furniture.”

“How so?” asked Sally.

“Well,” grumbled Lily, “we used to have an empty drawer in the bedroom. She would say ‘we need to use that drawer’ every single time we were in the room together.”

“Blimey,” replied Sally. “I would have told her to put a sock in it.”

Photo by Patrick König on Unsplash

Thank you for joining me for today’s tale. If you love the Little Fears waking you with a daily groan, please consider buying us a cuppa over at Ko-Fi. It takes copious amounts of tea to maintain this level of cheap humour and doodles. Thank you.

https://ko-fi.com/littlefears

Sat Nav

July 16, 2018 LittleFears80 Comments

After two years of fighting bad solicitors, land registry, idiot house buyers and the loss of my entire life savings, I’m finally taking the second step in moving to Scotland. At this point, we have a completion date for this Friday with the current buyer, after five months of stupidity with their solicitor, we still haven’t exchanged contracts and he still doesn’t have the deposit.

Jesus. Fecking. Wept.

So I don’t know what or when anything is happening with this flat, but I’m certain I need to get to Scotland to see my missus. I haven’t seen her in over a year. So I’ve shipped my last parcel of stuff to her mum and dads and I’ll be riding up tomorrow on a wee 125cc motorbike. It’s about 16 hours total. My satnav display goes on for a few pages. Hoping to take advantage of the sun and early summer long days. I’m sure I’ll tweet from a few services on the way up.

@TheLittleFears on Twatter.

When I’m up there I’ll be posting daily as per normal, but as I’ll be on a 500mb a month 3g connection, I shan’t be as prolific in the community as I have been. There’s no point me getting a contract internet until I have my own home again. Possibly within two months, I hope. Until then my blog browsing will be cut right back. You’ll still get a daily helping of humour, with the odd philosophical pondering or spooky horror. I’ll just be a lot less vocal on other your blogs. Sorry. I’m sure y’all understand.

Hope to see you yonder!

Cheers

Apple Love

July 16, 2018 LittleFears24 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 6

“Where are we going ma’am?” asked Sally.

“I know a lady,” said Lily. “She may have a lead for us on Robyn’s location.”

“You’re so well connected,” sighed Sally in awe. “May I ask who your contact is?”

“You’ve met her,” replied Lily. “She’s the flower growing, apple eating liar of East Croydon.”

“Ah, yes,” said Sally. “Poppy Cox.”

Photo by superloop on Unsplash

Kohl

July 14, 2018 LittleFears20 Comments

Darn, Kohl, you are one creepy little bugger… Just a whole bunch of nope! Submitted for approval to this weeks #Colour_Collective. A Little Fear I’ve had since forever ago and never figured out what to do with him. Until now!

With special thanks

Weekly shout out to my $10 patron, Warren from IWrite. Without people like Warren, I wouldn’t be able to wake you all with my little fears and you’d probably cry a lot less in the morning than you already do.

Boys Lizard

July 13, 2018 LittleFears47 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 5

“This isn’t my first animal case,” said Sally, clipping in her seatbelt. “I worked on the infamous reptile case of 2023.”

“Ahh, the rampaging lizard on Clapham Common?” asked Lily, flicking on the blues and twos.

“Yes ma’am,” replied Sally. “It attacked nineteen people, leaving four of them in intensive care.”

“If I have my police history correct, didn’t the lizard belong to Boy George?” asked Lily.

“Yes ma’am,” replied Sally. “I wish he’d had a calmer chameleon…”

Photo by Olesya Grichina on Unsplash

Thank you for joining me for today’s tale. Like the Little Fears art style? Well, I’m selling hand-drawn originals over on Etsy at the moment. Leo the lioness, Siamese and her kittens, Barn and Cloud sharing a hug and more. Hop on over to Etsy to see everything I have for sale.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/LittleFears

Kitten Movie

July 12, 2018 LittleFears35 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 4

“She has real cats too,” said Sally, opening the car door.

“Yes, I recall her name in a case I was once involved in,” replied Lily.

“Oh?” asked Sally.

“Some years ago, one of her french cats attacked a famous Belgian, Hollywood film star,” said Lily. “A Mr Damne if my memory serves me well.”

“Oh dear!” gasped Sally. “Was he OK?”

“He survived,” replied Lily. “Jean clawed Van Damne.”

Photo by Reuben Mcfeeters on Unsplash

Thank you for joining for today’s tale. If you need more Little Fears groaners, or even horrors, in your life, check out our books on Amazon. There’s no chronology to them and they are all completely separate books so you can start wherever and however you fancy. Unlike a delicate cake in a fancy restaurant. I don’t care how many stars you have, that chocolate cake is going into my mouth via hands. Feck the fork! Omnom!

https://amzn.to/2NCsmP1

Egypt Kitty

July 11, 2018 LittleFears43 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 3

“She’s tried building piles of cat soft toys before ma’am,” said Sally.

“I see,” replied Lily. “How big has she made them in the past?”

“One hundred metres tall. I have a photo of the last one from her case file,” said Sally, handing Lily the photo.

“You see this?” asked Lily. “This pile has four flat sides getting smaller the higher the pile goes. See? A sharp point at the top.”

“What does that mean?” asked Sally.

“Looks like a purramid to me,” replied Lily.

Photo by Billy Pasco on Unsplash

Thank you for joining me for today’s tale. We have a new t-shirt in our Threadless store this week as Botanica arrived. I can say for certain that Threadless provide top quality shirts, but I cannot guarantee she’s not going to plant killer carnivorous plants in your garden if you wear her while digging up weeds. Sorry about that.

https://littlefears.threadless.com/

Soft Toys

July 10, 2018 LittleFears39 Comments

Chasing Leads – ep. 2

“A cat burglar aye?” asked Lily. “Are banks her usual M.O?”

“Not usually ma’am,” replied Sally. “But she’s trying to either buy or steal every soft cat toy in these lands.”

“Cat soft toys?” asked Lily, grabbing her car keys. “Too what end?”

“Word on the street says shes wants the biggest pile of cat toys the world has ever seen,” said Sally. “She’s a sick deviant that should be locked up for life if you ask me.”

“Now, now,” said Lily. “There’s no need to make a meowtain out of a molehill.”

Photo by Patrick König on Unsplash

https://ko-fi.com/littlefears