Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Please,” begged Malcolm. “Please help!”
The pedestrian walked over to him.
“Please, I’ve been stuck in this hole for three days. Please help me out.”
The pedestrian reached down to Malcolm, and then plucked the warrant badge from his jacket.
“Please!” cried Malcolm, as he was dragged deeper into the hole.
~
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“Ignore him,” said Serpent. “It’s his current addiction.”
“What’s that?” asked Red.
“Oh, he’s obsessed with hill walking,” said Serpent.
“Ah,” replied Red. “I once got addicted to skiing.”
“Oh aye?” asked Serpent.
“Yeah,” replied Red. “It was a slippery slope.”
~
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“You’re not goin’ up there are ya?” asked Seb.
“Yeah,” replied Lady.
“You trust the stairs?” asked Seb.
“Well, erm, yes?” replied Lady. “What’s not to trust about stairs?”
“For a start,” replied Seb, “they’re always up to something.”
~
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“Just tug it,” said Shae.
“What do you think I’m doing?” snapped Paul.
“Scissors are in the drawer,” sighed Shae.
“Ah, no, I got it,” said Paul, sliding the zip down her back.
Shae stepped out of her old skin. “Finally.”
~
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“Gimme a hand,” whined Sprite.
“Look,” said Spectre, “it’s all about physics and finances.”
“Oh, I don’t care,” said Sprite. “The receipts are stuffed inside the roll.”
At that moment, the reel of string rolled off the shelf, onto a spring, then launched through a skylight.
Sprite sighed.
“Looks like string sales are skyrocketing,” smirked Spectre.
~
Original photo available on Unsplash. Doodle and tale by Peter Edwards with his Posca Pens.
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Today’s tale is not a tale, but a letter Cloud asked me to publish.
Dear Madam
On behalf of Channel Seven, may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your boss for our new reality show, and also the charming photograph you enclosed of him. Whilst agreeing that the Illustrator could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually “Fact Hunt”.
Kind regards,
Channel Seven
Wait… What?
~
Original photo available on Unsplash. Doodle and tale by Peter Edwards with his Posca Pens.
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“A weather Sprite?” asked Fuen.
“Yeah,” replied Spectre. “See, Sprite stands there all day, and at a glance you can always tell what the weather’s like!”
“Oh?” asked Fuen, awaiting the explanation.
“Look,” said Spectre, “if Sprite is out there in a bikini, it means it’s hot.”
“Right,” said Fuen.
“If Sprite looks wet, it means it’s raining,” said Spectre.
“Ah,” said Fuen. “I know this gag. If Sprite is gone, that means it’s windy right?”
“No,” said Spectre, “it means the pub’s open.”
~
Original photo available on Unsplash. Doodle and tale by Peter Edwards with his Posca Pens.
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“It won’t just stick back into place,” said Delia, fumbling with the elephant’s trunk.
“Here,” replied Alice, handing over a tube of super glue.
“I thought it was made of ivory,” said Delia, turning the figurine over in her hand.
“Nothing mum owns is what it looks like,” sighed Alice.
“You know,” grumbled Delia, “this would be a lot easier without all the blood on my hands.”
~
Original photo available on Unsplash. Doodle and tale by Peter Edwards with his Posca Pens.
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“So, he was juggling you?” asked Cloud.
“Yeah,” said Spectre. “Your brother juggled me and four other Little Fears.”
“Oh dear,” said Cloud. “You know, in our old life, he was going to join a circus and be a world-famous juggler.”
“Oh aye?” asked Spectre. “Never did it though, right?”
“Afraid not,” said Cloud. “He didn’t have the balls.”
~
Original photo available on Unsplash. Doodle and tale by Peter Edwards with his Posca Pens.
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“Was that a TV?” asked Sprite.
“Yeah,” sighed Spectre.
“It’s massive,” said Sprite, looking down at the wreckage.
“Was massive,” sighed Spectre.
“Why were you even trying to get a TV that big upstairs?” asked Sprite.
“Got it cheap online,” said Spectre. “700 channels, no subscriptions, 128 inch, full 4k definition, – for £1. Had a faulty volume button.”
“Ah,” said Sprite. “Couldn’t turn it down?”
~
Original photo available on Unsplash. Doodle and tale by Peter Edwards with his Posca Pens.
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Little Fears 