Chemist Puns

Brass Ep. 10

She arrived in the pharmaceutical aisle. The men’s hair pomades often had petroleum jelly in. They smell nicer than Vaseline, as well. She pulled a couple off tins off the shelf and stuffed them into her bag.

Below the pomades were the ‘men’s wellbeing’ products. Iron, vitamins, zinc and more. A dozen chemist jokes leapt into her conscience. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. She tried to think of a chemistry pun she’d never heard before. She had heard barium jokes, H20 puns and inert gags.

With a sigh and a smile she figured, all the best chemist jokes Argon.

Original photo by Alexander Popov on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

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i Dot

Brass Ep. 9

As she left the technology section, she knocked a ‘How to write letters in the Queens English’ DVD set off the shelf.

Copper pondered how you’d write a letter with a posh accent. She didn’t mind people learning correct spelling and grammar, but she had issues with language in general. She’d always dot her I’s, but crossing her t’s?

That’s where she drew the line.

Original photo by rawpixel on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

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Lounge Lizard

Brass Ep. 8

Copper noticed a novelty chameleon toy on the shelf. She picked it up and removed its packaging.

“Hello,” she said, turning it over in her hands. It had LED lights down its flanks, a colour change button on its belly and a USB power cord curled around itself for a tail. She pulled a power bank off the shelf and plugged the chameleon in. It sputtered to life, giving off a blue glow.

She pushed the colour change button, and nothing happened. Giving it a shake, Copper heard a rattle from within. She laid the lizard down on the shelf and gave it a little wave.

It’s a shame the creature was stuck on blue. Blue’s not a colour Copper liked. She figured it’s not the lizard’s fault. A reptile dysfunction can happen to anyone.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

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Squeak Squeak

Brass Ep. 5

The technology aisle was pretty small. There was a couple of mobile phones, radios and PC components. She plucked a mouse from the shelf and removed its packaging. Copper wiggled the mouse on the floor making squeaky noises.

She cut the USB cord to a tail length. Then pulled a red pen out of her bag and drew a pair of eyes onto it. “Squeak, squeak,” she said to herself.

She wondered if she could draw facial hair on it but decided it could do without a mouse-stache.

Original photo by Daniil Avilov on Unsplash Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

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Shopped Centre

The pharmacy aisle had collapsed in on itself. Copper sighed. It may have been easier to go to the shopping centre. There were four pharmacies there. It’s also a little closer to home.

In this lifeless world, shopping centres depressed her. The soulless corporate decor and escalators never worked. They should be teeming with people. Instead, they are lifeless museums to consumerism.

She often found, once you have seen one shopping centre, you have seen a mall.

Original photo by Daniil Avilov on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

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Veg Aisle

Brass Ep. 5

The vegetable aisle was empty. The worst reminder of the lack of life. Everything had rotted back at the start, devoured by insects. Empty trays remained with seeds and pips left at the bottom.

Copper had tried to grow some vegetables. The only success she had ever had was beetroot. One had grown before the drought had come. She wanted to see how big she could get it.

It was a lazy plant. The beet grew to barely a mouthful. Then the taproots growth stopped.

She recalled stepping out of her front door one day and finding it uprooted, laying on her steps with a knife sticking out of it.

Dead beet.

Original photo by Natalia Fogarty on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Copper is available as an art print on the Little Fears Etsy store, along with many other Fears characters: etsy.me/2Rdy0fM

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Fly Market

Copper pushed her way past a collapsed shelf. Entering the meat aisle, a renewed sense of dread washed over her.

All of the meat had rotted away long ago. Picked clean bones remained. She could remember swarms of flies filling the fridges. A dull, black carrion hum. The thought of flies bartering with each other over meat, where to eat and where to lay eggs. Hideous tiny pests, a gross thought.

But then flies who bartered with fruit and vegetables? Grocer.

Original photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Copper is available as an art print on the Little Fears Etsy store, along with many other Fears characters: etsy.me/2Rdy0fM

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Ghost Hunt

Brass Ep. 3

She’d cleaned the hardware shop out of sealant years ago, but petroleum jelly from the supermarket would work in some cases.

As Copper arrived, she noted that the front doors had been opened since she was last here. Could be a sign of life or an effect of last nights storm.

The left side of the building had collapsed a few months back. Noises would occasionally rattle out from the rubble, packets of food rustling, or possibly ghosts. Imagination could be a saviour or curse in times like these.

Copper would often fun to imagine she was a ghost hunter. She’d have to stay fit as a ghost hunter. Just a little exorcise.

Original photo by Clark Young on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Copper is available as an art print on the Little Fears Etsy store, along with many other Fears characters: etsy.me/2Rdy0fM

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Windy House

Copper cut the last bean can into shape. She pressed it down over the hole in the wall. Driving screws into place and applying the last of the sealant to avoid more dust coming in.

She looked across the street. The windows at number thirty-four had blown in overnight. The curtains swayed gently in the breeze. As the wind picked up and died down, a random melody came from inside. Notes would play as each gust blew through the empty house. The tune made Copper think of a jazz musician playing the flute.

She also wondered if this would count as house music.

Original photo by Andrew Ly on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Copper is available as an art print on the Little Fears Etsy store, along with many other Fears characters: etsy.me/2Rdy0fM

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Copper Pans

“Apples? Do you like apples?”

She offered an apple out to the mechanical creature.

“Click, click, whir,” came the reply without a bite.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she sighed. “She just left you with me and told me to keep you fed. I mean what the bloody ‘eck do I feed a clockwork lizard!”

She wandered into the kitchen to continue preparing her apple pie.

“It’s not easy you know, she’s so random! And shes got all this weird stuff. You’re about the least weird thing she’s given me”, she mused as he dropped in the apples, syrup, brown sugar and drop of oil into the beaten copper pan

She ambled back into the room and stood to face the metal lizard.

CHOMP!

She looked down at what remained of the copper pans handle.

“Copper. You like copper?”

Original photo by Jordan Sanchez on UnsplashThanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Copper is available as an art print on Etsy: etsy.me/2Rdy0fM

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