funny – Page 22 – Little Fears

Electric Ave

January 30, 2019 LittleFears40 Comments

Brass Ep. 17

Copper pulled a few lengths of wire off their reels. Electrical work wasn’t her speciality. Despite needing some electrical work, she’d repeatedly avoided repairing herself. A lot like the lady used to avoid going to the dentist.

She picked up some fuses and looked around for some rubber matting and safety gloves. Her inability to repair basic faults had been called into question many times.

People were frequently shocked when they realised what a bad electrician she was.

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Paint Canned

January 29, 2019 LittleFears20 Comments

Brass Ep. 16

Copper made her way up the paint aisle. She loved the rainbow of paint pots. Racing Green, Warm Sand, Yellow Sulphur and Deep Violet.

Suddenly, she realised there was no blue paint. She backtracked along the aisle reading the names on the pots. Copper saw labels that read Royal Blue and Ultramarine Blue. They both appeared to be green. Her heart sunk. Was she going colour blind?

That’s come completely out of the green.

Original photo by Joey Huang on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage and a howdy to Karl Duncan. A long time Fear who’s just subscribed to my Patreon.

Mapped Out

January 28, 2019 LittleFears10 Comments

Brass Ep. 15

The hardware stores door had fallen off its hinges since she was last here. On the counter was a display stand filled with maps. She gave it a spin, browsing the locations.

She’d heard early on that the East was uninhabitable. To the West, out on a peninsula was Brass. A massive city but with only a handful of roads leading to it.

Copper took the map for Brass out of the stand. Her curiosity piqued by maps for North and South poles. A mild confusion washed over her. The maps presented both poles as covered in ice. But the maps also said they were both ninety degrees.

Photo by Stephen Monroe on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Clothing

January 27, 2019 LittleFears18 Comments

Fear of ink – 1

“And then,” grumbled Sprite, “she said she was leaving me because I changed my clothes every hour!”

“Fo’ real?” gasped Stalker. “What did you say?”

“Hold on a minute,” said Sprite. “I can change…”

…

Hah! Boom! A fear of ink. Not really a new series, but I’ve done so many one-offs, I gotta start putting them into a category for my own future tags. A fear of ink seems quite apt.

Snooker Road

January 25, 2019 LittleFears19 Comments

Brass Ep. 14

Copper hadn’t seen anyone in months, but the stock had been going missing from stores she passed. She could understand folk emptying the pharmacies. But televisions disappearing troubled her.

The list of items she couldn’t get anymore was growing. She knew if she stayed here much longer she wasn’t going to be able to repair herself.

She sighed as she looked up the North road out of town. It had been blocked by a truck carrying snooker equipment. It had overturned and spilt its load.

The cues went back for miles.

Original photo by adrian on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Phone Box

January 24, 2019 LittleFears30 Comments

Brass Ep. 13

An old, red telephone box rattled in the wind. For a moment, it sounded like it was ringing. Copper shoved the rusted door open and looked inside. Colourless calling cards dulled by the sun adorned the back wall. A ripped up phonebook scattered its pages across the floor.

She picked up the receiver and held it to her ear. “Hello? Is anybody there?” Copper waited for a reply that silence answered.

She noticed spectacles had been painted across the eight and nine keys. Copper figured the phone had lost its contacts.

Original photo by Steve Gale on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Cow Smoke

January 23, 2019 LittleFears31 Comments

Brass Ep. 12

She left the supermarket and darted across the street toward the hardware store. As she passed the betting shop a slip of paper blew out of the door. She put a claw into it, pinning it to the ground.

The writing was almost illegible. The text suggested someone had a bet for £100,000 on getting their neighbours’ cows hooked on weed.

The steaks had never been higher.

Original photo by Phil Goodwin on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Chemist Puns

January 21, 2019 LittleFears24 Comments

Brass Ep. 10

She arrived in the pharmaceutical aisle. The men’s hair pomades often had petroleum jelly in. They smell nicer than Vaseline, as well. She pulled a couple off tins off the shelf and stuffed them into her bag.

Below the pomades were the ‘men’s wellbeing’ products. Iron, vitamins, zinc and more. A dozen chemist jokes leapt into her conscience. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. She tried to think of a chemistry pun she’d never heard before. She had heard barium jokes, H20 puns and inert gags.

With a sigh and a smile she figured, all the best chemist jokes Argon.

Original photo by Alexander Popov on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

i Dot

January 18, 2019 LittleFears19 Comments

Brass Ep. 9

As she left the technology section, she knocked a ‘How to write letters in the Queens English’ DVD set off the shelf.

Copper pondered how you’d write a letter with a posh accent. She didn’t mind people learning correct spelling and grammar, but she had issues with language in general. She’d always dot her I’s, but crossing her t’s?

That’s where she drew the line.

Original photo by rawpixel on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

Lounge Lizard

January 17, 2019 LittleFears39 Comments

Brass Ep. 8

Copper noticed a novelty chameleon toy on the shelf. She picked it up and removed its packaging.

“Hello,” she said, turning it over in her hands. It had LED lights down its flanks, a colour change button on its belly and a USB power cord curled around itself for a tail. She pulled a power bank off the shelf and plugged the chameleon in. It sputtered to life, giving off a blue glow.

She pushed the colour change button, and nothing happened. Giving it a shake, Copper heard a rattle from within. She laid the lizard down on the shelf and gave it a little wave.

It’s a shame the creature was stuck on blue. Blue’s not a colour Copper liked. She figured it’s not the lizard’s fault. A reptile dysfunction can happen to anyone.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.