Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Inspector,” said Lily. “Come and have a look at this.”
Sally wandered over for a look. “What’s this?”
“Looks like a broken cup,” said Lily.
“If I’m not mistaken,” observed Sally, “the cup contained hot chocolate.”
Lily nodded in agreement. “She was mugged…”
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“Oh no,” cried Sally.
“What’s wrong?” asked Lily.
“The Constable told me there was a box of square eggs on the side,” said Sally. “But they aren’t there anymore!”
“Square eggs?” asked Lily.
Sally nodded. “Mislaid.”
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“Ma’am,” said Sally, “we just got a call over the radio.”
“Another murder?” asked Lily.
“Afraid so,” replied Sally.
“Where’s this one?” enquired Lily.
“Wee Breakfast Bar, on the corner of Piccadilly,” said Sally.
“It would appear,” replied Lily, “we could be facing a cereal killer.”
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“I stayed at her families house overnight three years ago,” said Sally.
“Oh really?” asked Lily.
“I should have known about Molly’s criminal intentions back then,” sighed Sally.
“Did she have an attitude towards stealing bus stops back then?” asked Lily.
“Well,” said Sally, “the signs were there.”
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“Here,” said Lily. “Look at this.”
Sally leant in and read the mad scribbles at the bottom of each page. “Molly hated bus drivers,” she observed.
“It looks like she was running a long campaign of confusion and fear against bus drivers,” replied Lily.
“Incredible,” muttered Sally, “she was pulling out all the stops.”
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“Any other clues?” asked Lily.
“Molly’s car ma’am,” replied Sally.
“What’s up with it?” asked Lily.
“Bottles of wine and cans of beer crammed into the driver’s door, glove box and centre console ma’am,” said Sally, leading Lily to the car.
“Now that’s interesting,” said Lily lifting a stack of paper off of the passenger seat. “Page after page of calculus.”
“Well,” sighed Sally, “I never thought Molly was the type of girl to drink and derive…”
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“Can you tell us anything about the weapon?” asked Lily.
“Well ma’am,” replied Sally, “it’s from West Papua, Bird’s Head Peninsula. Crafted from birch wood I believe.”
“You seem quite knowledgeable of boomerangs Inspector Sally,” observed Lily.
“West Sussex champion wood thrower, three years running ma’am,” replied Sally. “My career in sports came to an end when I forgot to how to throw a boomerang.”
“Oh dear,” said Lily. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s ok ma’am,” said Sally. “It came back to me.”
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“Poor Molly,” sighed Lily.
“Indeed,” replied Sally. “She will be missed.”
“Do we have a murder weapon?” asked Lily.
“Yes,” replied Sally rummaging through the evidence box. “A boomerang was found with blood on,” she said, tossing it Lily.
Lily watched the boomerang fly past her and out the window. “You think she murdered with a boomerang?”
“Well,” said Sally. “Just throwing it out there…”
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“DCI Lily,” said Sally, “there’s been a break-in at the local chemist.”
“I see,” replied Lily, “anybody injured?”
“Afraid so ma’am,” said Sally. “Molly Cule, murdered at the scene.”
“Darn,” replied Lily. “Was anything stolen?”
“Yes,” said Sally checking her notes. “300 bottles of Viagra.”
“Well it would appear,” said Lily, “we may be looking for a hardened criminal.”
“There’s one thing I don’t understand ma’am,” pondered Sally.
“What’s that?” asked Lily.
“Why do you think she grumped about our cat puns?” asked Sally. “She seemed to enjoy kitty based jokes at one point.”
“It’s possible she’s at that age,” pointed out Lily. “Going through the change.”
“Ooooh,” replied Sally. “Yes, I’ve heard the meow-no-paws can be rough.”
Photo by delfi de la Rua on Unsplash
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Little Fears 