Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“There must be something you’re good at,” said Field.
“Not really,” sighed Cloud.
“There’s not one thing you excel at?” asked Field.
“Only sleep,” said Cloud.
“You’re good at sleeping?” asked Field.
“Oh yes,” said Cloud, “I can sleep so well, I can do it with my eyes closed.”
~
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“Why so glum?” asked Rice.
“I have Deaficus-Maximus,” sighed Red.
“What’s that?” enquired Rice.
“Means I’m going deaf,” replied Red.
“Oh dear!” exclaimed Rice. “Can you describe the symptoms?”
“Sure,” said Red. “Homer is fat and yellow, and Marge has blue hair.”
~
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“Ah,” said Algae, “but it was a good film.”
“Not sure I agree,” replied Aqua.
“It had a dinosaur and a spaceship,” said Algae.
“True,” said Aqua, “but I prefer ‘The Beavers in the Mist’.”
“Ahh,” agreed Algae. “Best dam movie we ever saw.”
~
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“How do I get to the beach?” asked Horror.
“Take the elevator,” replied Hill.
“Elevator?” asked Horror. “Very disappointing.”
“How so?” asked Hill.
“I always find they let me down,” sighed Horror.
“Funny,” said Hill. “I find them quite uplifting.”
~
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“I am afraid to say,” said Spider, “I think your father ran off to join a cult.”
“Not Dad,” said Blue, “he only believes in atheism.”
“What’s atheism?” asked Yellow.
“A non-prophet organisation,” replied Pink.
~
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“Funny ‘ole fella Red,” said Merman.
“He’s like a fine wine,” replied Serpent.
“You mean he gets better as he gets older?” asked Merman.
“No…” sighed Serpent. “He’s like the sour grapes you had to stomp the crap out of until you had something acceptable to have dinner with…”
~
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“What’s that Aqua?” asked Girl.
“New joke,” replied Aqua.
“Oh god,” whimpered Girl.
“It’s got a punchline about chemistry,” said Aqua.
“May I hear it?” asked Girl, for reasons unknown.
“Nah,” said Aqua, “it won’t get a reaction.”
~
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“Well he was a bit odd,” said Fuen.
“In what way?” asked Yuffie.
“When I said I was in the mood for chicken, he gave me an origami bird made from paper,” sighed Fuen.
“Ah,” replied Yuffie. “Well, Red once gave me a statue made entirely of gaffer tape.”
“Blimey!” said Fuen.
“I didn’t like it at first,” said Yuffie, “but then I got attached to it…”
~
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“Jesus wept,” sighed Spectre.
“What’s up?” asked Sprite.
“I just got into a discussion about infinity with Red,” grumbled Spectre.
“What’s wrong with that?” asked Sprite.
“He just went on about it forever,” moaned Spectre.
~
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“Missus kicked you out again?” asked Cloud.
“Yeah,” said Pterodactyl. “I asked to borrow the newspaper from her. ‘Don’t bother with a paper’ she said, ‘I have a new 12-inch tablet!'”
“Oh, they are good!” said Cloud.
“Yep,” replied Pterodactyl. “Feckin’ fly didn’t know what hit it…”
~
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Little Fears 