Straight up, I don’t do elves. The fancy ones are always ‘considerably richer than you!’ The woodland ones are always naked running through trees and eating berries. The dark ones… Well… They eat peoples hamsters.

I can read stories with them in, just fine. But I can’t write them myself. Heck, I can’t play them in games either. I was never an elf in my 80s Dungeons and Dragons/Heroquest/Warhammer quest days.

I’ve tried giving elves a go in computer games. In Morrowind, Ultima Online, Everquest, Second Life and recently Skyrim. I just can’t jive with them. Though weird thing, I can jive with other non-human critters. Skyrims lizardmen and cat-people (argonians and khajits?) I can piddle about with.

So, yeah, for this weeks #Colour_Collective I’d like to present a trouble of elves. That’s what a group of them is called right?

Oo and the terror-dactyls flying overhead are quite a popular tee on my Threadless store.

Thanks to Warren for the $10 Patronage.

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44 thoughts on “Trouble”

    1. I think it’s because whenever you write or play as an elf you’re constrained by the attitudes towards them. Again, I can read about them. I just can’t grove enough to write one.


    1. Hah, I can read about elves. It’s just the writing or being them in games I can’t do. Yours are different because the settings a hoot. Cheers, Marge!


    1. Drachenfells massive, yo! Played up to Blackthorns Revenge, then just dipped in for a month or two with every new expansion to High Seas.


    1. So have I, but I think that’s because of Tolkien.

      I had lived in Middle-Earth for so long by the time I ran into anyone else’s elves that the irritating features of modern fantasy elves had no power to affect me. I’ve run into elf-haters before, and I can’t really blame them.

      That “considerably richer than you” sketch cracked me up.


    1. Arr, which one? Forest elves, the ones that sit on shelves or that dig up oil? I hear you get all kinds in Alaska haha.


  1. Me too, The protagonist in my Wolves of Vimar series is actually a half-elf, but I have an elf as a close companion. I love elves, but can’t relate to liaardmen or Argonians, though I can just about deal with cat people. They just don’t seem very believable to me.
    I actually like elves, and have played them in games as well as writing about them.


    1. I can read elves in others writing and I can sit through Lord of the Rings type films, I just can’t write them or be them in games, heh.


  2. I have a friend who absolutely hates elves. They’ve been done to death — When Tolkien created them they were new. They had their purpose and they mattered. Now they’re just everywhere and cliché and boring.

    Now don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of being a noble-blooded shoeless hippie! I’m already halfway there, so it’s nice to be able to live the high-low life hahaha.

    I cope with them by making up absurd stories like how their ears used to all be perfectly square and they once incurred the wrath of a great and scornful god.

    Instead of killing them all outright, this god tortured their sense of perfect beauty by transforming all of their ears into the pointy triangles we all know today. This shameful secret has been lost to the ‘common folk’ over time through centuries/aeons of jealously guarded of religious and arcane lore.

    ~ Adeline


    1. Hah! Legendary elf-ear story right there!

      I wouldn’t say I hate elves. I just… Don’t do them, you know? Haha.


    1. Arf. Cheers Jay. I wouldn’t say I hate them. I’ll read stories about them and watch films with them in. I just can’t write them/play as them, you know? Haha.


  3. Hey! Wood elves are pretty awesome! I love playing one in Skyrim (though I never seem to come close to completing all the missions). All elves seem to have been done to death though so I can’t really plan you for disliking them.


    1. Again, I don’t dislike them, I’m just not good at writing them/being them haha.

      I’d actually say the Bosmer (Skyrim elves?) interested me the most. Cannibalistic meat-chomping nutters. If they’d had that more obvious in Morrowind/Oblivion/Skyrim I would have given them more of a look. Ingame though, they’re just generic elves?


      1. That makes sense. They always seem to be portrayed as complex beings being oversimplified by the human mind.

        I’d have to agree with that. They definitely aren’t emphasized enough in the games, and generic would be the way to describe them.


  4. I still like elves, so I call racism, LOL. There, pointlessly dramatic nonsense comment done for the day. XD

    I agree they’re done to death in fantasy and gaming though. The Elder Scrolls games at least tried to break away from the standard Tolkien portrayals of them. BTW, Morrowind was ALOT easier when playing a Dark Elf. Fire resistance was a huge help when everything throws fire on the island, lol.

    Oddly enough though, TES elves are the only ones I really don’t care for. dramatically overly angular faces, eyebrow ridges, freaky eyes… Oh and that jaundiced looking yellow skin for High Elves. That’s even worse than the reindeer antlers they gave wood elves in Elder Scrolls Online… Barely.

    BUT… I still love elves. I’m allowed. Multiple new agers say I have fae blood, lol.


    1. Hah. Sorry! It’s not that I don’t like elves. I just… Can’t play or write them haha.

      With the Elder Scrolls elves, they have awesome backstories. Awesome ideologies. And none of it’s apparent until you go deep into the lore. In the single player games anyway. Haven’t played online yet. Otherwise, they just come across as generic elves number 243.


      1. Give ESO a run. It plays a bit different than the single player games and some of the lore has been changed to try to make it consistent, but the game is good. I’m NOT a fan of MMOs in general anymore either. The Summerset Isles are gorgeous also.


      2. How come you’re not an MMO fan anymore?

        Funny thing, I played MMOs from the 90s when they were text only. Gemstone MUDs? Through Ultima Online, Everquest, Phantasy Star Online, Guild Wars. Met my missus in one of them. I still look out for good ones and long to play an MMO, but I haven’t been taken with any for years. I dabbled in Lineage 2 Revolution, but ehhhhhh. Impracticle armour (male and female) along with pay-2-win put me off playing it properly.


      3. The armor is a minor thing for me. Pay to win is huge though. ESO is pay to look cool, but there’s nothing pay to win in the real money store for the game.

        My main gripes with MMOs have been trolls playing the games, gold spammers and broken economies. ESO has no gold spammers, no bots and probably as close to a quality player base as you’ll find in an MMO. Not perfect but good.


  5. My elves sit on my shoulder when I am driving, keeping me from running into obstacles and vehicles and have protected me several times from sure death. Or they lie nearby my pillow keeping my nightmares at bay. They are my arch angels. I could not live without them.


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