Wobbly and ambiguous. I’d say that describes the Brass story. It’s a story that would suffer from over-explanation or specifics.
I’ve witnessed three people losing themselves in their final days. It’s hard on everyone. Not remembering a 16-week long hospital visit or asking when we hung a painting that’s lived on the same wall in their house for 30+ years. Picking them up when they’ve gotten lost in the 1/2 mile long high street they’ve lived next to their entire lives. Sitting in the back seat of our Volvo and asking why there’s no steering wheel in the car.
I do firmly believe, sometimes the best we can do is keep everyone laughing. Laughter is often all that keeps us going in our darkest hours. It’s a coping mechanism with no equal. When our loved ones do finally pass on, remember the best of them. Keep their ideas, hopes and dreams alive just that little bit longer.
Also, keep telling their favourite jokes. I’ve told you about my mate Sid, right? He was the victim of ID theft. He’s now just called S.
If you’re supporting someone, or know anyone, suffering from age-related memory changes or dementia, there are good charities out there who can help.
Dementia UK – https://www.dementiauk.org/
Age UK – https://www.ageuk.org.uk/
Alzheimer’s Society – https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/
If you know of any good ones outside of the UK, please do drop their name and a link in comments.
Cheers.
Little Fears 
Dementia is a cruel condition indeed. Thanks for such a lovely and heartfelt post.
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It’s nasty. Cheers, Alisa.
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I am so sorry for your losses, seriously. I worked as a charge nurse on an alzhiemers unit and fell in love with most of my patients. It is a blessing to work with the elderly because we can learn so much from those wise folks. I agree, laughter can be a saving grace when dealing with loss. Blessing to you. Just a bit of Joni wisdom for what it is worth, if you have an elderly family member or friend who is suffering from alzhiemers don’t try to reorient them by reminding them of a terrible loss they have suffered. What is the point, just change the subject and they will move on and focus on something else. Usually food is a good motivator! Take care.
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I doth my cap to you, mate. That’s a hell of a hard job!
Yeah, some fab advice there. It doesn’t need talking about once all the information has been given by the doctors. No need to focus on the negative while there’s anything to be positive about.
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What a wonderful post. It is sad that many people, including myself, know of individuals who suffer from Dementia. It is also sad how often individuals have no idea how to deal with it. It is never easy watching someone close lose the memories that help make them who they are. All we can do is support them and help educate those unaware of how to help.
Thank you for sharing links to charities for Dementia as well!
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Cheers, Kem. Sorry to hear you know someone who suffered dementia.
In all honesty, I think with all the education in the world, nothing can prepare you for the experience of watching someones mental faculty dissipate. We just have to read what we can and deal with it as it comes, you know?
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Nothing can prepare you, this is true, but how you respond to it is something you can control. I watch my mother lose all patience with my paternal grandmother (she has dementia). She constantly corrects her, raises her voice to shouting when she has to repeat herself, and my grandma doesn’t want to visit because of this. That is what I mean when saying educate others on how to help.
It is tough to watch, but their primary caregiver needs support as do they. It only hurts them when confronted with people unable to do this.
I am still waiting for my father to call my mother out on her behaviour towards my grandma.
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My grand mother suffered from Alzheimer’s, and it is terrible to lose someone you care for, little by little. There is no “fun” way to lose a loved one, but seeing them slowly drifing away from the world as we see it is really difficult. Thanks for sharing this post! You are so right, humor does help a whole deal to go through rough times…
Here’s the link to Alzheimer’s Society Canada: https://alzheimer.ca/en/Home
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Sorry to hear about your grandmother mate. It’s awful to see a loved one suffering through the loss of themselves in their last days.
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Thank you. We were lucky enough to accompany her until her last days, although it was sometimes hard to walk that crooked path with her, I think we all felt priviledged to make her life a little easier untill she passed away…
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Laughter, and music. Both can resurrect a lost soul, if only for a few minutes. It is well worth the effort.
Keep on keeping on!
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Oh yeah, music deffo helps too. Anything to stir the soul.
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LAUGH goddammittt!!!! It helps. I agree with this post completely!
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Cheers, man. Yep, laugh dammit!
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My grandmother had a body as strong as a horse. Her mind was so confused. On the other hand, my grandfather, was as weak as a kitten, and as sharp as a tack. Both were difficult to endure. Thank you so much sharing this difficult piece if your life, and for the humorous way that you’ve chosen to handle it.
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Ooof, sorry to hear about both your grandparents. I wrote the Brass story a few years ago, it’s been a while since I had to deal with dementia and old age. But the need for humour throughout has always stuck in my memory.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Pictures and favorite old movies – Naughty Marietta with Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy, to be precise – and bridge, of all things, helped my mom. She was still a masterful bridge player to the end. Wish I’d thought to try jokes, or maybe those groaner aphorisms she was always trotting out. She had a million of them.
Here’s the US Alzheimer’s Association link: https://alzfdn.org
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Cheers, Shan. I wrote the entire Brass story a few years back. It’s been years since I had to witness this (/go through it).
Funny thing, for all my grandad’s troubles, he could whoop everyone at cards until the day he died. Funny how somethings can remain mental anchors no matter what.
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A beautiful post. I’ve had this sad experience so I know how difficult it was.
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Cheers, Magick. Sorry to hear you had to deal with this too.
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What a great post. My Daddy has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for years now. Always the Daddy’s girl, I suppose I spend a bit too much time wondering and fearing that day when he forgets who I am. I was just there a few weeks ago and he smiled. He seems to always smile. And I forced one back. Thank you for adding a bit of light to the idea… it truly is hard to deal with.
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Sorry to hear about your dad, Aslynn. Hugs and thoughts to you.
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Thank you… that is greatly appreciated.
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Such truth!! My father suffered with this and we had a choice. We could laugh or cry. We chose, most of the time, to laugh. My father loved to laugh and joke and listen to music
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Hugs to you, Lesley. You reminded e of the David Bowie quote.
“As you get older, the questions come down to about two or three. How long? And what do I do with the time I’ve got left?”
I’d certainly choose laughter and smiling.
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Thank you for the reminder that laughter is a coping mechanism. Sometimes when it feels like life is throwing more at me than I can handle a good laugh releases so much tension.
Thank you for the honesty of your post!
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laughter helps lift us up in so many ways. Cheers, Mincs.
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Sigh…
Been dealing with death a lot recently. First, my grandmother passed away. Had to go to Oklahoma for her funeral. She had a serious case of Alzheimer’s. Then, my 11-year-old yellow Lab died. God, the things you remember when something tragic happens.
Personally, I think Forrest Gump is right. Are we supposed to just float around, like a feather on the wind, or do we have a set destiny, where everything is set out and planned? Sure makes me think about life and death differently.
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Hugs to you, matey. It’s hard dealing with this stuff.
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A rough road to navigate… Daddy had Alzheimer’s and it was hard to watch that brilliant mind falter. Cancer took him out and he knew we were there. Can’t ask for more than that. Thinking of you all with great regards.
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Hugs to you, Lisa. I’m thankful it’s been a while since I had to deal with any of this, but it sticks with you and you always have to remember the positives, aye. Good that you were there for him at the end.
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I hope you continue to find the help and support you all need. The agencies you list are amazing sources of information and advice, along with real practical support. I’d add Parkinson.org to that list too, lots of crossovers. We have someone close to us going through that and many aspects are similar to dementia, so it’s useful to know how to recognise good and bad days and how best to help them. An Uncle of mine lived with Parkinsons and Dementia for years. He needed help with everything, once an academic lecturer, he was a shadow of his former self mentally. It was near impossible to hold a conversation with him, but I have a really fond memory of us batting a balloon around a room with him. Smiles and laughter all round. Lovely. Someone who worked with dementia patients once told me the reason music is such a useful connector is it is processed in the brain in a different way to other information.
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Howdy, Lockwood. Thankfully, I’m not dealing with this right now. I wrote the Brass story a few years back. Sorry to hear about your uncle. At least you have some fond memories despite the troubles you went through with him. Also, yes, music, it’s as good as laughter for lifting the spirits. I can believe that it’s processed differently. The way a few chords can trigger huge emotional responses from some people.
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