Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“My missus is an awful cook,” sighed Yuffie.
“How come?” asked Fuen.
“Well,” started Yuffie, “I left her to bake a few piles of dough the other day. I’d separated everything into different bread types. All she had to do was put it in the oven for various lengths of time. She burned the lot.”
“Oh dear,” said Reala.
“Mmmhmm,” motioned Yuffie. “When I saw there was naan left, I entered a pitta dispair.”
“I remember when my last wife had a kid,” pondered Fuen, ruffling her feathers.
“Oh aye?” asked Reala.
“Yeah,” said Fuen. “I remember calling the doctor and asking what we should do. The doctor asked if this was her first child…”
“And?” pressed Yuffie.
“I said no,” continued Fuen, “I was her wife…”
Grey Moon – Friday (ep. 52)
“My missus ain’t happy with me at the moment,” sighed Yuffie.
“Why not?” asked Reala.
“She said she wanted sex to be more magical between us,” replied Yuffie.
“And?” pushed Fuen.
“She threw a tantrum when I pulled a bunch of flowers and a deck of cards out from under the pillow,” moaned Yuffie.
Grey Moon – Friday (ep. 51)
“A lot of oddness on this road some days,” said Fuen.
“Tell me about it,” moaned Reala.
“Half of the weirdos seem to come in here for a drink and all,” said Yuffie.
“Oh, now what’s this?” sighed Reala, looking out the window.
A woman walked past the front windows wearing a yellow hooded mac, with a fishing rod slung over the shoulder and a fresh catch in hand. She made her way to the front door, swung it open and stood at the entrance looking at the assembled Fears.
“Hey lady,” said Yuffie. “Why the long plaice?”
Grey Moon – Thursday (ep. 50)
“I remember working for an advertising agency for claustrophobic folk,” said Yuffie.
“You what?” asked Reala.
“Oh yes, a whole building full of claustrophobic people creating new advertising campaigns,” replied Yuffie.
“Where they any good?” asked Fuen.
“Well,” said Yuffie, “they were more productive when thinking outside of the box…”
“I was hired as a party planner,” said Saturn.
“Oh, that must have been fun,” said Reala.
“It was quite,” replied Saturn. “One time I had to organise a party in space.”
“Blimey,” said Reala. “How did you pull that off?”
“Ah,” said Saturn, “I had to planet…”
“I got fired from a few jobs,” laughed Yuffie.
“Oh god, me too,” replied Reala.
“Years ago, I got fired from a calendar factory,” moaned Yuffie.
Fuen and Reala raised an eyebrow.
“All I did was take a day off,” sighed Yuffie.
“I worked at a British biscuit factory,” said Reala. “The boss called me a dozy once!”
“Bet that naffed you off,” said Saturn.
“I was ruddy livid,” said Reala. “I was so angry I threw a biscuit at her.”
“Did you hit her?” asked Fuen.
“She ducked and I missed,” sighed Reala.
Yuffie laughed. “Jammy Dodger…”
“I had a bad interview with a publisher once,” sighed Reala.
“What went wrong?” asked Yuffie.
“The interviewer kept asking me to spell ‘part a’ backwards,” replied Reala.
“Ah,” nodded Saturn. “It’s a trap.”
“While we’re talking about jobs,” said Yuffie, “I once wrote a joke book about avoiding employment.”
“Ah, so you’re an author?” asked Reala.
“Mmhmm,” replied Yuffie.
“Did the book sell well?” asked Saturn.
“No,” sighed Yuffie. “None of the comedy worked.”
Eat our books: amzn.to/2hMVmVy
Sponsor our Patreon: patreon.com/littlefears
Lick our course: skillshare.com
Drink our art prints & tees: littlefears.threadless.com
Little Fears 