Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Here we go,” said Lily.
“My word, that’s a lot of shopping websites in her history,” noticed Sally.
“Looking at her wish list,” said Lily, “I think she’s trying to build a model of Mt Everest.”
“To scale?” asked Sally.
“Nah, just to look at,” replied Lily.
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“Is the anti-virus up to date?” asked Sally.
“It seems so,” said Lily.
“Gotta be careful about computer viruses ma’am,” said Sally.
“I know,” replied Lily. “I once had a virus on my desktop PC.”
“What was the cure?” asked Sally.
“An 80’s goth rock band,” replied Lily. “But that’s not important right now.”
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“I’m in,” announced Lily as the laptop pinged to life.
“We should check her browsing history too, ma’am,” said Sally. “If there are any snake websites we’d know the hissy little git was hers.”
“Good thinking, Sally,” said Lilly. “Hmm, it doesn’t want to load any web pages.”
“Have you tried disabling cookies?” asked Sally.
“Well, I once bit the legs of a gingerbread man,” replied Lily.
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“Let me have a look,” said Lily, taking control of the laptop.
“Do you have a background in tech?” asked Sally.
“I once built an automated robot,” replied Lily. “It would talk about the weather while delivering small objects to friends and family.”
“Oh wow,” gasped Sally. “Sounds impressive!”
“Eh, I had to turn it off in the end,” grumbled Lily. “It would drone on and on.”
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“Her laptop’s on,” noticed Lily.
“So it is,” said Sally.
“We should check her emails for clues,” said Lily.
“It’s password protected, ma’am,” sighed Sally. “We may need to call the police dog tech team.”
“Oh don’t bother with them,” grumbled Lily. “Their bark is worse than their byte.”
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“A what ‘thon’?” asked Sally.
“Sally, are you going deaf?” asked Lily.
“A little,” sighed Sally. “But only in one ear, ma’am.”
“What ear is it?” asked Lily.
“2018,” replied Sally.
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Lily cocked her head, “did you hear that?”
“A hissing,” replied Sally, “where’s it coming from?”
Lily opened the cupboard. “Cripes, a snake!”
Sally grabbed a broom for protection. “Is it a dangerous breed?”
“Well,” said Lily, “it looks like the snake is exactly 3.14 metres long.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Sally.
“It’s a pi-thon,” replied Lily.
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“What else have the team found?” asked Lily.
“There’s a body in the freezer ma’am,” replied Sally, leading Lily through to the kitchen.
“My word,” said Lily. “She’s crammed in there. Any signs of what killed her?”
“Not that we can easily see,” replied Sally. “She’s been in there a while. Frozen solid.”
“Well I guess,” sighed Lily, “this is a cold case.”
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“Is there anything missing?” asked Lily.
“We’re not sure,” replied Sally. “We found some empty boxes in her bedroom.”
“I see,” said Lily, wandering through to the bedroom.
“Small jewellery boxes on the dresser ma’am,” said Sally. “H. R. Maguffin Jewelers. A diamond specialist if I recall the name correctly. All boxes are empty.”
“Seems the motive is crystal clear,” pondered Lily.
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“The window,” said Lily. “Was it open when you arrived?”
“Yes it was,” replied Sally.
“I see there are policemen fishing something out of the pool below,” observed Lily.
“Shares ma’am,” stated Sally, thumbing through her notes. “She’d invested heavily in swimming pool manufacturers.”
“Well it would appear,” said Lily, “her stocks dived.”
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Little Fears 