Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“I cannot stand you, creatures, any longer,” growled Swamp Fiend.
“Why not?” asked Sprite.
“You infest every island you arrive on,” growled Swamp Fiend. “You’re like an infection.”
“Oh, I understand,” replied Sprite. “I hate it when infections invade my body without permission. It makes me sick.”
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
Leos, it is, apparently, your month. Your time to shine. Your time to be the commanding, warm-hearted and loving grumpy cat we all know you are around your birthday.
So to alleviate some grumpiness, I have put up my Fear Cats tee on Threadless for sale (usually $20, currently $17). That’ll go nicely with the free-shipping code, FREESHIP7197cca8e.
Threadless link: littlefears.threadless.com
Also, if you want more Cat, I’ve dropped another £3 off the price of my Leo print on Etsy. She’s down to £9 with free global shipping.
Etsy: etsy.com/uk/shop/LittleFears
Now, stop being a sourpuss and celebrate the fact you’re a year closer to your imminent death.
Happy cat month, Leos!
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“I said,” growled Swamp Fiend, “get out of my house.”
“I’m so sorry,” gasped Sprite.
“Did you not hear me the first time?” asked Swamp Fiend.
“Well, my doctor told me I was going deaf a few years ago,” pondered Sprite. “I haven’t heard from her since.”
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
Sprite woke up, covered in mud. She took in her surroundings. Wildflowers grew in every direction, surrounded by trees, reaching up out of the swampland.
She tried pushing herself up, only to sink her hands into the bog. It was then she noticed a bunch of flowers with a pile of college books. It looked like they were studying STEM. Sprite chortled.
“Get out of my house,” boomed a voice from below.
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
Story by Glen
Mal checked outside the door once again.
Nothing. The grass and brush were dead and the trees, if not dead, were dying. The bird carcass was still there, untouched.
He shut the door and relocked it, setting the chain, too.
It seemed like only minutes after he sat down in the comfy chair that it happened again.
The knob rattled and tried to turn.
Mal did not stir. Instead, he muttered, “I thought that there was nothing left alive out there . . .”
The rattling stopped. An equally soft voice replied, “If it helps any, you are right.”
The author of Knock is a long-term Fears’erer, Glen of Ask-De-Writer over on Tumblr. Cheers for the spookems man!
It’s three weeks late posting because I’m an idiot. I scheduled it for the wrong month and didn’t notice until Glen prompted me. Doh. Sorry, man.
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“When I was a kitten,” said Cat, “my parents would often say “Excuse my French” just after a swear word.”
“My mum and dad said the same,” sighed Dog.
“I think all parents do,” grumbled Cat. “I’ll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.”
Oof, the poor kitty. This wee kitten came from the missus. Her art’s still super popular here. Please do say hello to her on Twatter at @DonnaMStrachan and you can nobble her art prints (including this kitty) from Society6 and you can buy her a cuppa on Ko-fi.
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“I feel like you’ve known me for a longer time than I’ve known you,” remarked Meria.
“Your feelings are probably right,” chuckled Lucy. “I saw you a few years ago. In a pub like this one. You were with James, grinning ear to ear.”
“I’d just seen him spike my drink,” sighed Meria. “I knew if I could swap our glasses, I could save myself some chloroform.”
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“I don’t think you’d break up with your missus over a silly argument,” remarked Meria.
“Oh, we haven’t broken up,” replied Lucy. “It’s just my partner said she enjoys sex more when she’s on holiday.”
“Ah, right,” said Meria.
“I’m telling you,” said Lucy, “that was an awkward postcard to receive.”
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“So, are you going to tell me why you’re here?” asked Meria.
“Fallout with the missus, you know how it is,” replied Lucy.
“What’s the problem?” asked Meria.
“She was having a fit over my terrible direction sense,” grumbled Lucy. “So I packed my bags and right.”
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“You know,” said Meria, swiping through her phone. “You’re the spitting image of a woman I once knew called Mabel.”
Lucy peered at the picture on Meria’s phone. “Damn, you’re right.”
“She could be your twin,” pondered Meria.
“She could be,” sighed Lucy. A little peeved that she had another one to track down and kill.
For those subscribed by email, yup, this did appear yesterday. While scheduling this post, I was presented with a big red banner on WordPress that said there was an error scheduling. Then, doh, it was live on my site. Sorry to everyone on email for the double mail.
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
Little Fears 