Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“OK,” sighed Reala. “Why are you here?”
“We have told the sea we are leaving, and are moving inland,” announced a penguin.
“I see,” said Reala. “What did the sea say about that?”
“Nothing,” replied the penguin. “She just waved”.
The penguins snickered.
~~~
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The card read: ‘You will find another man’.
She turned it over in her hand, looking to David.
“You take this stuff seriously?” he laughed. “It’s so dumb.”
He whacked the machine. A card slid out. ‘She will find another man’.
“Feckin’ machine,” he spat, whacking it again.
A third card. ‘You’re dead Dave’.
He reached back to punch the glass just as the machine toppled forward onto him.
~~~
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Three penguins shuffled into the bar. They stood in such a tightly formed line that when Reala looked at them from the front, it seemed like they were just one penguin.
“Erm,” started Reala, “hello?”
“‘Allo darling,” squeaked the first penguin. “We’re here for a yodelling lesson.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know of any yodelling lessons taught around here,” replied Reala.
“Darn,” said the penguin. “Then we formed an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue for nothing.”
~~~
How does a boomtish sound if performed in the key of yodel?
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Reala was freezing. She was sat peering out of the window at three penguins on opposite side of the road.
The penguins then industriously made a snow slide and tried sliding down it. Being made of snow, it fell apart.
They then crossed the road and tried the slide in the Grey Moon beer garden.
Reala caught her breath. There was a punchline there.
~~~
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. There are no depths I will not plumb for a groan!
Also, these penguins turn up in quite a few tales. My editor has declared them her spirit animals. I think I understand…
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“I do have a concern,” said Reala.
“What’s that?” asked Yuffie.
“Yesterday an Englishwoman, Irishwoman and Scotswoman came in. Followed by a horse, a blonde, a priest and a rabbi,” said Reala. “I am very concerned…”
“With what?” asked Yuffie.
“That my life’s a joke…”
~~~
Oh my days, Reala, I feel ya!
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“Do any religious figures come through here?” asked Reala.
“Some, but we rarely speak to them,” said Yuffie.
“Have you ever given anything up for religion?” asked Fuen.
“Never,” replied Yuffie.
“I did once,” said Reala.
“Oh?” asked Jessie.
“Yeah,” said Reala. “I once gave up plucking my belly button for lint…”
~~~
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Grey Moon – Tuesday (ep. 22)
https://youtu.be/CzEtMaRnw2g
“How about the fisherwoman?” said Yuffie. “The one hunting Moby Dick.”
“Oh that poor gal,” said Fuen.
“What happened to her?” asked Reala.
“Died at the wailing wall,” said Fuen.
“Daft mistakes,” said Jessie. “I bet she felt like a right moron, standing there with her harpoon.”
~~~
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Capricorn – Little Horror (ep. 61)
He slams his fists on the door.
“Let me out ya’ wankers!” he screams.
The bulb swings gently above his head. His shadow shifts.
“At least gimme a room with a window!” he yells, giving the door a final bang.
The door gently opens into the cell. He steps back blinking back the tears. He breaks down, slamming his fist on the wall built behind the doorway.
~~~
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Grey Moon – Tuesday (ep. 21)
“I do remember the Buddhist IT manager,” said Fuen.
“Oh yeah,” said Yuffie. “The gamer girl right?”
“That’s the one,” said Fuen. “She died at the end of a 97-day online gaming spree when an 18 foot Mario and Luigi statue fell on top of her.”
“That’s a shame,” said Reala.
“She didn’t seem to mind,” said Jessie. “She had entered Nerdvana.”
~~~
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Grey Moon – Tuesday (ep. 20)
“Hey,” laughed Yuffie. “Do you remember the Elvis impersonator that came through a few months back?”
“The Arabian one?” asked Fuen.
“Yep,” replied Yuffie.
“She was pretty good,” said Fuen.
“What was she called?” asked Reala.
“Amal Shookup,” replied Yuffie.
~~~
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