Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“What’s that smell?” asked Sally.
“Burning plastic,” replied Lily.
“The keyboards melting!” cried Sally.
“Darn,” grumbled Lily, watching the keys melt together.
“You must have hit a firewall,” moaned Sally.
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“It looks like she’s angered a lot of people on the Internet,” said Sally.
“It seems that way,” said Lily. “Just look at her Twitter profile.”
“My word her spelling and grammar is awful,” noticed Sally.
“Oh, I hate spelling mistakes on social media,” moaned Lily.
“Me too,” replied Sally. “You mix up two letters and your tweet is urined.”
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“It looks like she was planning a skydiving trip,” observed Lily.
“I’m too scared to go skydiving,” said Sally.
“Worried about the parachute not opening?” asked Lily.
“Definitely!” replied Sally.
“Well if it ever happens,” said Lily, “you’ll have the rest of your life to fix it.”
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“She’s got a few diet subscriptions service emails,” noticed Lily.
“I tried the almond diet recently,” said Sally.
“Oh, aye?” replied Lily. “How did that work out?”
“Eh,” moaned Sally. “It was nuts.”
“Sally, don’t make diet jokes,” sighed Lily.
“Sorry ma’am,” said Sally. “It was in poor taste.”
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“Let’s check her emails,” said Lily.
“What’s that one?” asked Sally.
“Household complaints,” replied Lily. “Looks like one of her neighbours has been playing loud music.”
“Oh, I had that,” moaned Sally. “Some bugger playing Lionel Ritchie at max volume.”
“I like Lionel,” said Lily.
“So do I,” sighed Sally. “But it was all night long…”
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“Here we go,” said Lily.
“My word, that’s a lot of shopping websites in her history,” noticed Sally.
“Looking at her wish list,” said Lily, “I think she’s trying to build a model of Mt Everest.”
“To scale?” asked Sally.
“Nah, just to look at,” replied Lily.
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“Is the anti-virus up to date?” asked Sally.
“It seems so,” said Lily.
“Gotta be careful about computer viruses ma’am,” said Sally.
“I know,” replied Lily. “I once had a virus on my desktop PC.”
“What was the cure?” asked Sally.
“An 80’s goth rock band,” replied Lily. “But that’s not important right now.”
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“I’m in,” announced Lily as the laptop pinged to life.
“We should check her browsing history too, ma’am,” said Sally. “If there are any snake websites we’d know the hissy little git was hers.”
“Good thinking, Sally,” said Lilly. “Hmm, it doesn’t want to load any web pages.”
“Have you tried disabling cookies?” asked Sally.
“Well, I once bit the legs of a gingerbread man,” replied Lily.
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“Let me have a look,” said Lily, taking control of the laptop.
“Do you have a background in tech?” asked Sally.
“I once built an automated robot,” replied Lily. “It would talk about the weather while delivering small objects to friends and family.”
“Oh wow,” gasped Sally. “Sounds impressive!”
“Eh, I had to turn it off in the end,” grumbled Lily. “It would drone on and on.”
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“Her laptop’s on,” noticed Lily.
“So it is,” said Sally.
“We should check her emails for clues,” said Lily.
“It’s password protected, ma’am,” sighed Sally. “We may need to call the police dog tech team.”
“Oh don’t bother with them,” grumbled Lily. “Their bark is worse than their byte.”
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Little Fears 