Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“A what ‘thon’?” asked Sally.
“Sally, are you going deaf?” asked Lily.
“A little,” sighed Sally. “But only in one ear, ma’am.”
“What ear is it?” asked Lily.
“2018,” replied Sally.
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Lily cocked her head, “did you hear that?”
“A hissing,” replied Sally, “where’s it coming from?”
Lily opened the cupboard. “Cripes, a snake!”
Sally grabbed a broom for protection. “Is it a dangerous breed?”
“Well,” said Lily, “it looks like the snake is exactly 3.14 metres long.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Sally.
“It’s a pi-thon,” replied Lily.
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“What else have the team found?” asked Lily.
“There’s a body in the freezer ma’am,” replied Sally, leading Lily through to the kitchen.
“My word,” said Lily. “She’s crammed in there. Any signs of what killed her?”
“Not that we can easily see,” replied Sally. “She’s been in there a while. Frozen solid.”
“Well I guess,” sighed Lily, “this is a cold case.”
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“Is there anything missing?” asked Lily.
“We’re not sure,” replied Sally. “We found some empty boxes in her bedroom.”
“I see,” said Lily, wandering through to the bedroom.
“Small jewellery boxes on the dresser ma’am,” said Sally. “H. R. Maguffin Jewelers. A diamond specialist if I recall the name correctly. All boxes are empty.”
“Seems the motive is crystal clear,” pondered Lily.
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“The window,” said Lily. “Was it open when you arrived?”
“Yes it was,” replied Sally.
“I see there are policemen fishing something out of the pool below,” observed Lily.
“Shares ma’am,” stated Sally, thumbing through her notes. “She’d invested heavily in swimming pool manufacturers.”
“Well it would appear,” said Lily, “her stocks dived.”
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“It looks like there was a struggle,” observed Lily.
“Aye,” agreed Sally. “There must have been a tussle by the sideboard.”
“A smashed lamp,” noticed Lily. “Change and jewellery tray scattered on the floor. Scraps of a painting.”
“Was the painting in anything?” pondered Sally.
“There are bits of broken wood between here and the body,” said Lily.
“So the victim’s been framed,” replied Sally.
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“Ah,” said Sally, “the pizza expert here.”
“Pan,” she said shaking Sally’s hand. “Deep pan. Pizza crime specialist.”
“Ma’am, we found melted cheese on the victim’s body,” said Sally.
“I see,” said Lily, watching Pan inspect the dairy. “Cant you tell us anything?”
“Well, it’s cheddar,” said Pan. “From a pizzeria. Organic. Pretty fresh. It’s been shredded into little pieces.”
“Sounds grate,” replied Sally.
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“What’s that in her hand?” asked Lily.
Sally, diligently reached down and open the body’s closed fist. “It’s a roll-up, ma’am. Smells of weed.”
“Interesting,” pondered Lily, reaching down and bloodied rock. “Where did this come from?”
“The ground I imagine ma’am,” replied Sally. “It’s another potential murder weapon. She has blood on the back of her head, could have been blunt force trauma from the rock.”
“Make a note Sally,” said Lily. “Evidence she was stoned.”
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“What’s that?” asked Lily.
“Chicken feathers,” replied Sally. “Twenty-six bantam feathers to be exact. All of them piercing the skin around her kidneys.”
“So this could be a ritual murder,” said Lily.
“Certainly murder most fowl,” replied Sally.
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“Tell me about the body,” asked Lily.
“Well ma’am,” said Sally, “she appears to have received a dozen different injuries.”
“Such as?” asked Lily.
“Well to start with if you look here,” said Sally, “her eyes have been damaged by a blunt object. We suspect this was caused by this big book, found by her feet.”
Lily picked up the text, Chemistry For Beginners. “So, she was blinded by science.”
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Little Fears 