funny – Page 14 – Little Fears

Pill Theft

April 25, 2019 LittleFears26 Comments

“Could someone give DCI Lily a call,” asked Reala.

“Sure,” replied Lucy. “Something up?”

“I think Sprite just stole my anti-depressants,” grumbled Reala.

“Darn,” said Fuen. “I hope he’s happy with himself.”

I didn’t find any particular phobias of pills, although there’s a lot of people with a fear of swallowing pills. I did discover there’s a medication phobia known as pharmacophobia. A fear of pharmacological treatments. That’s gotta be a bit of a bother to have.

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Crow Call

April 24, 2019 LittleFears12 Comments

The corvid sat in the tree outside. Peering through the window. Crows, ravens, rooks and magpies assembled underneath. They’d peer around the curtains, always looking for the televisions.

He left the curtains open and TV on to see if they’d get bored and leave him alone. They sat outside all night. Watching the static and listening to the white noise. Only moving on, when they’d received their instructions.

For all the Fuen’isms I’ve written on this website, she’s never been in a horror/weird fiction story. Funny thing. As a crow spirit, I have a lot of scope to shift her to the weird fiction side. It’s just never occurred to me to do it before.

Do you know what has occurred to me? Putting her on a t-shirt, and I’ve put her on loads over on my Threadless store. Need a link? littlefears.threadless.com

Currently with free shipping, just copypasta the following code: FREESHIP4197cca8e

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Puddle Poke

April 23, 2019 LittleFears14 Comments

“You look upset,” said Pedestrian.

“Well,” sighed Puddle. “My nan just got scammed. 92 years old. They stole her credit card details and everything.”

“Darn,” replied Pedestrian. “Sounds bad!”

“It is,” sighed Puddle. “But hey, for just £25 I’ll teach you how not to get scammed.”

Hah, now that was a damp squib of a story. Do you know what isn’t a damp squib? The Little Fears tees on Threadless. You can nobble one here: littlefears.threadless.com

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Yellow Deer

April 20, 2019 LittleFears27 Comments

“Deer your puns are awful” cried Sprite.

“Hey,” said Deer, “there is a fine British art to telling a good groaner.”

At that moment, the past and the future approached from opposite directions. Their paths crossed right where Deer and Sprite were standing.

The future bumped into the past, they turned to face each other, growled and postured in a grumpy fashion, then walked away up different paths.

“Wow,” said Deer, “that was tense.”

Sprite whined.

Oh, I loved Deer. A callback to her first appearance and one of my fave esoteric puns. She was in a few stories from my very first series of stories (featured in January) and never really came back. Reckon she looks right against a sunburst of Lemon Yellow for this weeks #Colour_Collective.

Her portraits also available on the Little Fears Etsy store: littlefears.etsy.com

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

TJOCD

April 19, 2019 LittleFears36 Comments

“What’s wrong now,” sighed Serpent.

“I can’t stop singing Tom Jones songs,” sighed Red. “The doctors said I had TJOCD.”

“What’s that?” asked Serpent.

“Tom Jones Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,” sighed Red.

“Oh dear,” replied Serpent. “Is that common?”

“Well,” grumbled Red. “It’s not unusual…”

Hah! Take that to the face, readers! A Tom Jones pun, direct from the 80’s!

The 1480’s of course… He’s that old right?…

Oh god, so am I…

Please excuse me while I have a minor crisis…

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Postage Stamp

April 18, 2019 LittleFears30 Comments

“Yours sincerely,” said Shadows, “Shadows.”

“Hey shadows,” asked Driver, “are you talking into an envelope?”

“Yep,” replied Shadows.

“Why?” asked Driver.

“Trying to send a voice mail, innit,” replied Shadows.

Shout out to regular commenter, Woeful for buying me a cuppa on Ko-Fi yesterday. I’m 100% with her on Fleabag. A comedy-drama(-tragedy), I cannot recommend enough. It had its finale last week. The entire show’s only 6 hours viewing. I’m certain all fans of quirky British humour will love it. Currently free on the UK’s BBC Iplayer. Amazon Prime has Fleabag, too.

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Red Moth

April 17, 2019 LittleFears20 Comments

“You’ve got to help me!” whimpered Red.

“What’s wrong?” gasped Serpent.

“I think I’m a moth!” squeaked Red.

“Why would you run into a theatre to tell us that?” asked Sprite. “You should have gone to a doctor.”

“I know,” cried Red. “I just saw a light on…”

The fear of butterflies and moths is called lepidopterophobia. I wonder what the general squawking and flapping of arms is called when a big moth enters the room and blats about. Moth-dance?

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Live on, laugh on

April 13, 2019 LittleFears14 Comments

Brass Ep. 84

“Do you think I’m going to keep losing memories?” asked Copper.

“I have no idea, I’m afraid,” replied Yuffie. “On the bright side. You’ll be able to enjoy the same jokes more than once.”

“The illustrator knows something about that,” remarked Fuen.

Yuffie snorted. “What’s the earliest memory you have?”

“Apples,” said Copper. “I liked apples…”

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Shored Up

April 13, 2019 LittleFears17 Comments

Brass Ep. 83

“Where are you taking us?” asked Copper, as Yuffie led them up the dock.

“To as many artists, illustrators, writers and bloggers as we can find,” replied Yuffie. “They’re good at keeping dreams alive.”

“What if they don’t want to help?” asked Copper.

“I’ll publish their web browsers history on their blogs,” replied Yuffie.

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.

Village Idiots

April 12, 2019 LittleFears4 Comments

Brass Ep. 82

They pulled up onto the beach, Yuffie was waiting for them with a boat on the shore. “This road once had hamlets everywhere,” said Copper, “each had a village idiot.”

“Yeah, I think they all ended up in Westminster,” pondered Fuen.

The trio stepped out of the car, looking back across the sands. “Our homes decayed quicker than a nineties Skoda joke,” sighed Copper.

“Let’s try and make sure the same doesn’t happen to you too,” replied Fuen.

Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.