Tag: funny

“It’s gotta be hard owning a pub on the road to the afterlife,” observed Fuen. “Knowing most of the people that drop in here you’ll likely never see again.”

“That’s not always a bad thing,” sighed Reala. “I’m eager to see the entire 2019 political landscape walk up the road.”

The trio looked laughed and looked outside. They saw three-dozen sprites walking up the road. “That’s not good,” remarked Fuen.

Reala rang the bell for last orders. Pavlov jumped up from his seat, crying out “shit, I forgot to feed the dog.”

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“You and Lucy were an item once, right?” asked Reala.

“They were an item for years,” chimed in Fuen. “Didn’t she ask you out after buying you a bottle of lemonade?”

“That’s right,” laughed Yuffie. “She Schwepped me off my feet.”

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“Have you noticed Lucy doesn’t murder everyone she meets anymore?” pondered Yuffie.

“I did think she was getting more selective,” added Fuen. “She lets innocents live and goes for villains, now.”

“She’s maturing. Just before she left, she passed her driving test,” remarked Yuffie. “I’ll get her something cheap to run around in when she comes home.”

“Like a pair of trainers from the 99p store?” asked Fuen.

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“I had an inventor stop in for a pint a few weeks back,” said Reala.

“Oh, aye,” replied Fuen. “Did she invent anything we might have heard of?”

“The cold air balloon,” said Reala. “It never really took off.”

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“I saw an actor dressed as Peter Pan floating along the road to the afterlife, yesterday,” remarked Reala.

“I know the one,” said Yuffie. “He neverlands.”

“Hah,” snorted Fuen. “Peter Pan puns never grow old.”

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“Don’t give me that tone of face,” said Lucy.

“You’re a killer,” grumbled Meria. “That’s why you’re here.”

“That and because I trashed the wife’s house when she left me for being insecure,” sighed Lucy. “Turns out she’d just gone to get tea bags…”

Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Badger, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.

“Who the heck is Yuffie?” asked Meria.

“The embodiment of necromancy,” replied Lucy, “and she’s as old as balls.”

“How old?” asked Meria.

“I’m not sure,” pondered Lucy. “But she was there when the greeks named Tuesday. Apparently, they watched the moon go around the earth, and called it a day.”

A quick shout out and thanks to Badger of TheBadgerUnderground for the recent $10 patronage.

Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.

“What is this living nightmare?” cried Meria.

“Exactly what we deserve,” replied Lucy. “Well, you deserve. I’m just on vacation here.”

“You came here by choice?” asked Meria.

“Kind of,” sighed Lucy. “Yuffie sent me here. I killed her ex-girlfriend. Well, I thought I did. Twins are a pain in the arse.”

Shout out and thanks to Debbie of MyMusingMoments this morning, for buying me a cuppa on Ko-Fi yesterday. Cheers, mate.

Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Devina, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.

Morning came, and Lucy arrived at her usual time. “Where were you last night?” asked Meria.

“Home, of course,” replied Lucy.

“I swear there was someone in my house last night,” cried Meria.

“Funny, I thought someone was standing outside my window last night,” pondered Lucy. “Until I woke up and noticed the handprints on the inside of the glass…”

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The creak of floorboards awoke Meria. The rush of adrenaline had her scrambling for the door before her eyes had fully opened. The door to the next room slammed shut.

“Alexa, turn on the lights,” cried out Meria.

“No,” came the reply.

Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Devina, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.