Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“I went to a psychiatrist once,” said Bush.
“Why’s that?” asked Shrub.
“Because I thought I was a dog,” said Bush.
“What happened?” asked Shrub.
“Well I got there, and she told me to sit on the couch so we could talk about it,” said Bush. “I said I couldn’t because I wasn’t allowed on the furniture…”
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“I think I’m developing a drinking problem,” said Snake.
“Oh aye?” asked Grass.
“Do you drink a lot?” asked Sky.
“No,” sighed Snake. “I spill most of it. That’s the problem!”
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“Just been to see the doctor,” sighed Cloud.
“Oh dear,” said Forest. “What’s your problem?”
“I’m suffering from severe deja vu,” replied Cloud.
“What did the doctor say?” asked Forest.
Cloud sighed. “‘Didn’t I see you yesterday?'”
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“Every time I do an Internet search for my symptoms, it says I have cancer,” moaned Spectre.
“What symptoms?” asked Sprite.
“Running nose,” sighed Spectre.
“Is that it?” asked Sprite.
“It’s been running for four days,” grumbled Spectre. “How do I stop my nose running?”
“Have you tried tripping it up?” asked Yuffie.
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“These pills are useless,” moaned Cloud.
“Aye?” asked Cloud.
“These pills you gave me for my body odour,” said Cloud.
“What about them?” asked Cloud.
“They keep slipping out from under my arms,” whined Cloud.
Cloud sighed.
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Red slurped and burped.
“Red,” sighed Yuffie, “why are you drinking out of that thing?”
“Because every time I drink out of the cup of tea you made me I get a pain in my eye,” moaned Red.
“I see,” said Yuffie. “Have you tried taking the spoon out first?”
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“There must be something you’re good at,” said Field.
“Not really,” sighed Cloud.
“There’s not one thing you excel at?” asked Field.
“Only sleep,” said Cloud.
“You’re good at sleeping?” asked Field.
“Oh yes,” said Cloud, “I can sleep so well, I can do it with my eyes closed.”
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“Why so glum?” asked Rice.
“I have Deaficus-Maximus,” sighed Red.
“What’s that?” enquired Rice.
“Means I’m going deaf,” replied Red.
“Oh dear!” exclaimed Rice. “Can you describe the symptoms?”
“Sure,” said Red. “Homer is fat and yellow, and Marge has blue hair.”
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“Ah,” said Algae, “but it was a good film.”
“Not sure I agree,” replied Aqua.
“It had a dinosaur and a spaceship,” said Algae.
“True,” said Aqua, “but I prefer ‘The Beavers in the Mist’.”
“Ahh,” agreed Algae. “Best dam movie we ever saw.”
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“How do I get to the beach?” asked Horror.
“Take the elevator,” replied Hill.
“Elevator?” asked Horror. “Very disappointing.”
“How so?” asked Hill.
“I always find they let me down,” sighed Horror.
“Funny,” said Hill. “I find them quite uplifting.”
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Little Fears 