Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Nick off!” said Plant.
“Mate, I do think about it sometimes,” sighed Shadows.
“What are ya talking about?” asked Fuen.
“Shadows thinks dolphins might be smarter than men,” said Plant.
“I believe he has a point,” said Fuen. “You guys can’t even get your wives to make you a sandwich.”
“So?” said Plant.
“Dolphins have women dress in skin tight clothes, stand by the pool edge, and throw them food,” grinned Fuen.
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“Never mind son,” said Whisp’s dad.
“But it bothers me,” sighed Whisp.
“That much?” asked Whisp’s dad.
“Yeah,” sighed Whisp, “my snoring keeps waking me up.”
“I see,” said Whisp’s dad. “Have you tried sleeping in another room?”
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He watched as the shipping container fell 80 feet from the crane and crashed down onto the docks. As he trotted towards the emergency, assessing each safety issue along the way, he wondered what had caused the rocking motion. The air was still, not even a breeze. In fact, now that he thought about it, there weren’t even any gulls around.
He peered into the container. The container peered back.
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“So anyway,” said Blue, “while the Little Fears are milking this health thing I thought I’d tell a joke about the nurse we once had.”
“You mean the short guy right?” said Aqua. “The one who was a bit dim?”
“That’s the one,” said Blue.
“Mate,” said Aqua, “that wouldn’t be big or clever.”
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“I used to flush the toilet a lot,” said Sprite.
“Eh?” asked Washing.
“Yeah, continuously,” said Sprite, “it was like an addiction.”
“Did you see a doctor about it?” asked Washing.
“Yeah,” said Sprite. “Turns out it was just a chain reaction.”
~
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“American Werewolf in London,” said Graeme.
“Oh, shut up,” replied Adam.
“They did say don’t leave the path,” snorted Graeme.
“Look,” said Adam, “we both saw the lights, there’s something up here.”
They walked through the forest until they came to a clearing. Thirteen lights rose from the outside of the clearing, before leading Graeme and Adam to darkness.
~
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“Hello Train,” said Sprite.
“Are they all still talking about health?” asked Train.
“Yeah,” sighed Sprite.
“I thought I was a dart once,” moaned Train.
“Yeah, I remember,” said Sprite. “I could see your point.”
~
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“How about you, Blue?” asked Black Fish.
“I once thought I was a race horse,” said Blue Fish.
“Really?” asked Black Fish.
“Yeah, I even got pills for it,” sighed Blue Fish. “I had to take one tablet every four laps.”
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“I had a lonely time in the hospital,” said Spider. “Ward 122, on the 12th floor.”
“Why so?” asked Fuen.
“Because my sister used to believe she was an express elevator,” sighed Spider.
“So?” asked Fuen.
“She couldn’t stop on my level,” sighed Spider.
~
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Malcolm woke up, he could feel sand beneath his fingers. He coughed, violently expelling water from his lungs.
He took a moment to catch his breath. The smell hit him like a train. Rotten fish mixed with the smell of human decay.
A claw reached down and lifted his head. Red eyes staring into his soul.
“You’ll do.”
~
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Little Fears 