Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“I had a lonely time in the hospital,” said Spider. “Ward 122, on the 12th floor.”
“Why so?” asked Fuen.
“Because my sister used to believe she was an express elevator,” sighed Spider.
“So?” asked Fuen.
“She couldn’t stop on my level,” sighed Spider.
~
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Malcolm woke up, he could feel sand beneath his fingers. He coughed, violently expelling water from his lungs.
He took a moment to catch his breath. The smell hit him like a train. Rotten fish mixed with the smell of human decay.
A claw reached down and lifted his head. Red eyes staring into his soul.
“You’ll do.”
~
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“Get off my arm!” yelled Swimmer.
“You know,” said Black Fish, “your heart beat feels as regular as clockwork.”
“That’s because that’s my watch,” sighed Swimmer.
~
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“Hey Red,” said Cloud, “didn’t you used to wear glasses?”
“I went to the doctors once because I thought I needed glasses,” said Red
“Really?” asked Serpent. “What did he say?”
“You certainly do sir, this is a fish and chip shop,” grumbled Red.
~
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“Good morning, sunshine,” she said.
He felt the thick rug beneath him and he heard the crackle of the open fire. He also heard his girlfriend crying in another room.
“Now we make sure every woman knows who you belong to,” said his ex-wife, as she began carving her name into his cheek.
~
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“The pen got me,” said Cloud.
“Aye?” asked House.
“I went to the doctor once because I sucked up and swallowed a pen,” said Cloud.
“Good grief,” said House. “What did the doctor say?”
“He told me to sit down,” sighed Cloud, “and write my name…”
~
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“How about you Bird?” asked Spectre.
“I went to the doctor once because I’d swallowed a spoon,” said Bird.
“What did the doctor say?” asked Spectre.
“Sit down and don’t stir,” grimaced Bird.
~
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“It’s the food in the hospital I hate,” sighed Whisp.
“I had a bad reaction to hospital food once,” said Serpent.
“Ah,” said Red, “I once ate a film strip instead of a tablet.”
Serpent raised an eyebrow.
“I had to wait and see if anything developed,” said Red.
~
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He ran the blade across his face. Stubble was always an issue for him. He couldn’t remember ever having an entirely smooth face.
The mist in the mirror began to fade. He reached up and gave it a wipe with a dry towel.
He dropped his razor into the sink. His reflection grinned with a flicker of red in its eye.
Today was the day.
~
The image for this post was lost thanks to the spectacular WordPress 5.0 update explosion that knackered this website. Sorry.
“What about you Aqua?” asked Black Fish, “any visits to the doctor?”
“I once thought I was God,” whispered Aqua.
“When did that start?” croaked Black Fish.
“Oh, you know,” muttered Aqua, “when I created the sun, then the earth…”
~
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Little Fears 