Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“God, no,” said Yuffie. “Imagine what it’d do to the carpets.”
“What’s that?” asked Fuen, arriving in the middle of a conversation.
“Yuffie here, won’t let a homeless sentient water basin use her spare room,” replied Lucy.
“I’ll let that just sink in,” snorted Yuffie.
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“My missus hates it when I mess with her red wine,” remarked Spectre.
“Oh, aye?” asked Sprite. “What’d you do to it?”
“Oh, I just mixed in some orange juice and fruit lumps,” said Spectre.
“Darn, man,” said Sprite. “That ain’t on, bruv.”
“I know,” sighed Spectre. “Now she’s sangria than ever.”
Boom! Haha, get it? GET IT? Bwaha.
I need better lighting of course, but playing about with videos this week. That works a lot better than I thought.
Original photo by Helena Yankovska on Unsplash
George tumbled through the door onto the roof. He could hear the shuffling of feet on the stairs below.
Why?” asked George.
“Oh, we all get our kicks somehow,” sighed Lucy. “That, and my ex-tells me I should channel my hobbies into doing more good for the world.”
“And this is doing good?” cried George.
“Yes, well,” replied Lucy. “But, maybe not for you.”
George looked over the edge at the stained pathways below. The stairwell door creaked open.
“Nearly there,” grinned Lucy. “And who’s this?”
“My window cleaner,” grimaced George.
“Thought he was banging your wife right?” said Lucy.
“I thought so, yes,” sighed George.
“Thought so?” asked Lucy. “Shame you changed your mind after he’d taken a tumble through the sixth-floor window.”
The window cleaner squirted Windowlene into Georges’ face and gave him a buff and shine.
“Oh and look at all the glass stuck in his backside,” laughed Lucy. “Hey, I bet that’s a right pane in the arse!”
“Up, up, up,” said Lucy, pulling him up to the next floor.
George stumbled through the door. “My god, this is my old kitchen,” he pondered.
“Ah, the wifey loved this room,” said Lucy. “ She was lovely wasn’t she?”
George glared at Lucy. “She tells me the kitchen table was the first place you two did the business.”
“She’s not…” muttered George.
“Here?” grinned Lucy. “Of course. She’s still in the pantry.”
A moan came from behind the door, George retreated to the stairwell.
“Do you know, the first time I had sex was with my first missus was in her parents’ kitchen,” sighed Lucy. “’This is awkward,’ she said. ‘Just ignore them’ I replied.”
The pantry door burst open, Georges wife emerged wielding her kitchen utensils.
This story originally came from some darker puns between Lucy and Yuffies meeting in the Grey Moon that felt out of context in that storyline. By Spectres beard, I just ain’t feeling it this week, though! Not happy with the quality of writing, humour or story. And I’ve ended up not using the original puns. Doh’eth.
But hey, the bright side. I have a growing library of sound effects. I’m overusing them something rotten this week, but it’s the learning to use them, innit.
Oh, and hey, it’s getting near Crimbo. If you enjoyed Grey Moons story or my old original horrors covering Capricorn, don’t forget they’re available in a lovely smellin paperback available on Amazon. They’d make a fab Christmas gift! (Linky: https://amzn.to/2PjT7ak )
“Come, we have others waiting for you upstairs,” said Lucy.
George paused at the stairwell rummaging in his jacket pockets.
“Oh that’s not going to work here,” said Lucy as he produced a phone.
“I have four bars,” said George.
“And I have a hammer,” replied Lucy, bringing a Stanley on Georges mobile.
Well, it’s one way of smashing a horror trope…
Rimshot
“Mr Prime Minister,” said Lucy, drifting over and shaking Georges’ hand. “She’s been waiting for you.”
Sam, ran up to George and threw her arm around him. “It’s like a fairy tale reunion,” grinned Lucy.
“You tell me such brilliant bed-time fairy tales,” said Sam.
“I’m glad you enjoy them,” replied Lucy.
“But why do they all start with ‘once upon a time?’”
“Sometimes they don’t,” replied Lucy. “Sometimes they start with ‘if elected, I promise…’”
Well, Lucy sounds like she’s having a good day. Thanks, rabble, for all the positive feedback on sound effects. Y’all still awesome.
George tumbled through the front door. “Holy crap, did you see that?” he asked the receptionist.
“Oh, yes sir. Happens all the time,” she replied. “Mr George North?”
“Yes,” mumbled George. “How did…”
“Take the stairs to the second floor, third door on the left, the crèche,” said Receptionist.
“Oh, no,” started George. “I had a daughter…”
“Yes,” chipped in the receptionist. “And she’s on the second floor.”
More sound effects. Some cuts. Works a lil bit better for the shorts I reckon.
“There are only two ways off this roof,” said Lucy.
Gerald peered over the edge at the stained concrete below.
He knew he wasn’t the first man given this choice.
He knew he wouldn’t be the last man given this choice.
And he knew, all the others would have made the decision as quick and easy as he had.
Ooo, sound effects! Crunchy.
For the last forty-five days, I have been posting stand-alone doodles rather than my old panels. I’ve also been lacking videos. Mostly Inktober experimenting on what else can work for the Fears. I’ve come to the conclusion, mostly, it doesn’t.
I have really enjoyed doing them and I hope to post some of the larger pieces now and again. I think the smaller simpler pics would work better with a punchline on them. Like Modern Toss. A classic strip I love. It would also make the medium far more Internet shareable than my current image plus story text. I definitely need to sort and compartmentalize the Fears website before I start mixing them in though. They would out of place among the panel doodles.
Speaking of which. My old panels had a unique look and feel to them. They were a huge part of the Little Fears identity. The Fears all began with me doodling monsters on newspapers images. It’s a strong visual style I’ve really missed this last month. They’ll be making a return this week along with the videos.
I really didn’t do enough with the videos or work YouTube. As such, they never gained the following or views they should have. Now I have an office of sorts and a bit more time in the day I want to get back into making them. But, we can add in a few things. Sounds, some basic visual effects and with the longer stories, me. Sitting in a chair, a dog at my feet, a dog on my lap, biscuit in one hand, a cup of tea in the other and a book in the other hand. Narrating the tales via moustache movements. It’ll be awesome.
The last time I mentioned chair and dog based moustache narration I was asked if I’d narrate other peoples stories. Yeah, as long as it fits with what I do, I’d be up for that. Horror, humour or weird stuff. I’ll do a couple of my own first of course. Once I’m in the groove I’ll be up for narrating other folks stories.
After October, I was meant to begin a new story following Copper and Iron on a road trip through desolate Little Fears world. Filled with all the usual puns and a smidge of drama and horror. But I’m not sure if that’s going to work now. I ran some loose seven-story long arcs for Grey Moons days and then three thirty tale long story arcs for Lily and Sally. I think that was my limit on what I can get away with for longer narratives. The Copper and Iron road trip was penned at ninety stories long. Posting five a week that’s one story that’ll last four months. Would anyone follow the tale for that long? I doubt it. I’m not sure I would and I’m the one that posts them. So I’m going to go for some shorter stories and one-offs instead for a while. At least until I can separate stuff up on the website into storylines.
Oh god, that means tampering with the website again… Last time I did that I blew it up for 3 days and had to re-install everything. It’s still not working right either. Sigh I’ll get there. First things first though. Let’s see what Lucy’s been up too since visiting the Grey Moon bar all those months ago, in this weeks story, Levels. We’ll start with part one tomorrow.
In the meantime, if you love what I do, please consider clicking the links below where you can buy my books, art and tees. Or, drop a $1 into my tip jar on Ko-Fi or poke me on Patreon.
Fear filled books: amzn.to/2rVYXpC
Scary arts: etsy.com/uk/shop/LittleFears
Spooky tees: littlefears.threadless.com
The illustrators’ teacup: ko-fi.com/littlefears
Patrons to fear: patreon.com/littlefears
Thank you so much for following along on the Fears journey with me. I do hope you continue to enjoy seeing, reading and hearing my stories and doodles as much as I enjoy inflicting them upon you.
I mean telling them… Telling them to you… Kinda…
Cheers!
Little Fears 