Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“The window,” said Lily. “Was it open when you arrived?”
“Yes it was,” replied Sally.
“I see there are policemen fishing something out of the pool below,” observed Lily.
“Shares ma’am,” stated Sally, thumbing through her notes. “She’d invested heavily in swimming pool manufacturers.”
“Well it would appear,” said Lily, “her stocks dived.”
Photo by Adrien Siami on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“It looks like there was a struggle,” observed Lily.
“Aye,” agreed Sally. “There must have been a tussle by the sideboard.”
“A smashed lamp,” noticed Lily. “Change and jewellery tray scattered on the floor. Scraps of a painting.”
“Was the painting in anything?” pondered Sally.
“There are bits of broken wood between here and the body,” said Lily.
“So the victim’s been framed,” replied Sally.
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Ah,” said Sally, “the pizza expert here.”
“Pan,” she said shaking Sally’s hand. “Deep pan. Pizza crime specialist.”
“Ma’am, we found melted cheese on the victim’s body,” said Sally.
“I see,” said Lily, watching Pan inspect the dairy. “Cant you tell us anything?”
“Well, it’s cheddar,” said Pan. “From a pizzeria. Organic. Pretty fresh. It’s been shredded into little pieces.”
“Sounds grate,” replied Sally.
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“What’s that in her hand?” asked Lily.
Sally, diligently reached down and open the body’s closed fist. “It’s a roll-up, ma’am. Smells of weed.”
“Interesting,” pondered Lily, reaching down and bloodied rock. “Where did this come from?”
“The ground I imagine ma’am,” replied Sally. “It’s another potential murder weapon. She has blood on the back of her head, could have been blunt force trauma from the rock.”
“Make a note Sally,” said Lily. “Evidence she was stoned.”
Photo by Aperture Vintage on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“What’s that?” asked Lily.
“Chicken feathers,” replied Sally. “Twenty-six bantam feathers to be exact. All of them piercing the skin around her kidneys.”
“So this could be a ritual murder,” said Lily.
“Certainly murder most fowl,” replied Sally.
Original photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Tell me about the body,” asked Lily.
“Well ma’am,” said Sally, “she appears to have received a dozen different injuries.”
“Such as?” asked Lily.
“Well to start with if you look here,” said Sally, “her eyes have been damaged by a blunt object. We suspect this was caused by this big book, found by her feet.”
Lily picked up the text, Chemistry For Beginners. “So, she was blinded by science.”
Original photo by Kiwihug on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“What have we got?” asked DCI Lily.
“A mass murder,” replied Inspector Sally. “With one victim.”
Lily raised an eyebrow. “Go on.”
“Well ma’am,” replied Sally. “We have eight murder weapons with blood on. Six potential motives. A lot of blood on the walls and one body inside this apartment.”
Lily knelt next to the corpse. “What’s this inside her mouth?”
“The coroner believes it’s the contents of a vacuum cleaner bag,” replied Sally. “She’s unsure if that’s what caused her death.”
“Well, we know one thing,” sighed Lily. “She bit the dust.”
New story time! Woot, woot! Gave the video a slight update. Love my new end screen. I don’t mean to sound vain, but it looks awesome.
Look! Down there! New buttons! That’s a pleasant update. Need to clean up the Threadless button, but otherwise, much nicer than the old ones.
Also, I now have a Ko-Fi page instead of a PayPal tip jar. For those that fancy dropping me a few pennies but don’t like Patreon.
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“So here we are.”
“Yep.”
“Hang on.”
“There we go.”
“Oooooh!”
“OOOOOOH!”
“OH WOW! OH WOMAN, WOOOOW!”
“Crikey hun! You weren’t that good ten years ago!”
“YeAH aNd thIs feNCe wAsNt EleCtrifIeD TEN YeaRs AgOOoo!”
“Ack…”
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“That took some explaining,” laughed Saturn. “Hey look at that! They’ve done some work on the beer garden out back.”
“Yeah, that’s where we first did the business,” grinned Jessie.
“Yep, up against the fence at the back,” said Saturn. “Say. Wanna have a go there again. For old times sake.”
“Sure,” said Jessie. “I’m up for some beer garden nookies!”
“Hey, at least they replaced the rickety old wooden fence with a metal one,” said Saturn. “The splinters I got last time were a planetary pain in the arse!”
“Ah, yes,” laughed Jessie. “I remember you asking on a web forum about the best ways of removing wood splinters from your bum.”
“Yep,” grumbled Saturn. “Bad post…”
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
Capricorn (ep. 84)
Dear Illustrator
Residents are reminded that rubbish is to be placed out front of the block after 6 pm Thursdays. No recycling or items over 1 metre allowed.
I would also like to remind you, pets are not allowed in any apartments. Whatever is, we can hear it.
We sacrifice David on the altar in the basement at midnight on Friday.
Tea and biscuits will be served afterwards.
Kind regards
Doris
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
Little Fears 