Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“I remember your eighteenth wedding,” chuckled Fuen.
“Eighteen,” gasped Reala. “Do your relationships came to a comfortable end?”
“A few bad break-ups,” said Yuffie.
“Bad ones?” asked Reala.
Yuffie shrugged. “A couple. I’m long past them though. I know to move on from bad breakups. They’re like broken mirrors.”
“How so?” asked Reala.
“Sometimes,” said Yuffie, “it’s best to leave it alone rather than hurt yourself picking up the pieces.”
“The second wedding was a disaster,” sighed Yuffie.
“How come?” asked Reala.
“Well,” pushed in Fuen, “you know Yuffie’s tried a few sports right?”
“Yes,” replied Reala.
“Well, she thought it would be a good idea to throw her ball into the crowd instead of a bouquet. Like they do at the end of football and tennis matches, you know?” said Fuen.
“Right,” said Reala.
“That’s not a good idea when your current sport is ten-pin bowling,” sighed Yuffie.
Capricorn (ep. 75)
Then came the scrabbling on the windows. Fingernails scraping, scratching. Asking, then demanding, to be let in.
No petrol, no weapons, no escape.
We lock the doors as if it would make a difference. They’d get in eventually.
You keep trying, right up to that last moment. Refusing to believe what you can see – the worst.
The cracking of a window, our final screams.
“I remember your first wedding,” said Fuen.
“That was a good one,” said Yuffie.
“You asked me to be chief Usher,” smiled Fuen.
“Oh really?” asked Reala. “Did you take the position.”
“Kind of,” said Fuen. “I learned a few of his songs, but there was no way I was performing the dance moves.”
“My missus is an awful cook,” sighed Yuffie.
“How come?” asked Fuen.
“Well,” started Yuffie, “I left her to bake a few piles of dough the other day. I’d separated everything into different bread types. All she had to do was put it in the oven for various lengths of time. She burned the lot.”
“Oh dear,” said Reala.
“Mmmhmm,” motioned Yuffie. “When I saw there was naan left, I entered a pitta dispair.”
“I remember when my last wife had a kid,” pondered Fuen, ruffling her feathers.
“Oh aye?” asked Reala.
“Yeah,” said Fuen. “I remember calling the doctor and asking what we should do. The doctor asked if this was her first child…”
“And?” pressed Yuffie.
“I said no,” continued Fuen, “I was her wife…”
A wee post about my experience here. I figure I’ve done some experimenting now, so allow me to pass on some experience.
Earning as a blogger, writer or artist is hard darned work. Look at how many blogs and websites litter the internet and then count how many famous bloggers you know who’ve made it big. How many fingers and or toes did you count? So for most of us, the best we can hope for is getting by. Maybe reach a minimum wage. To me, that’s not depressing. It just shows that I need to do more than a website to earn a living. Such as selling prints at local markets (more on alternative earning later).
You all know what I sell by now. Art prints on Etsy. Art prints and Tees on Threadless. Books on Amazon.
Back in the early days of the blog when I first started selling I had a signature in my posts like this:
~
Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare| Threadless
I quite liked that. It was subtle. I had maybe a 1%-2% per view click rate. That’s pretty high. I’d say there was a 1% rate of purchase from that though. Ouch, right? That’s not good when you’re only making £1 a sale.
At some point, I switched over to a series of icons at the bottom of each post.
They looked a bit more visually appealing and fitted nicely at the bottom of the posts. They looked awful in WordPress reader though. They enjoyed a 2%-3% views to click rate and had about 6% sales from that 2%-3%. By this my point my blog was over 20,000 subscribers and it was turning into £100 a month or more.
I removed everything from the bottom of my posts and left the links at the top of my screen the only links to my wares. The click-through plummeted and died a death. I’m into the less than 1% view to click through here.
What happened? Well, most of my readership on site is WordPress bloggers. Most bloggers use WordPress reader to view websites. So advertising in sidebars, header banners or menus is never going to be seen, let alone clicked. If the adverts aren’t in the post, WordPress bloggers will never click them.
It really does. Google isn’t stupid. If you include the same links in every post you make, Google, Yahoo, Bing and the other search engines assume you’re an advert/bot farm website. They then actively push you down the search rankings. So what can you do?
Uuuuruurururuhghgh! Arreeghghgghgh! Nooooooooooooooo!
But they work…
An experiment follows with my recent books. Grey Moon and Seeking Hydra. When I released Hydra, I posted here daily about it being free for five days to readers. Asking people, please leave me a review. Hundreds of copies were taken for free. 10-20 copies paid for. Then I had a roll for a month or two where I sold one or two a day. It picked up 20 Amazon reviews (UK, USA and other) and did OK on Good Reads.
Contrast that with Grey Moon. I posted about it twice before and twice during the first five days of it being free. I gave away maybe 50 copies. Sold 8 copies. Then it died a death immediately after. I think I’ve sold 5 copies since. It has four reviews on Amazon.com and 3 on Amazon.co.uk. For all the effort I put into Grey Moon, it tanked.
(Click here to see Amazon.com review figures)
To follow that up, when I advertise a new Threadless tee, I get the most sales off the post I make about it. The has been shown with Walker and Terror-Dactyl.
So, yes, sales posts do work and are needed, even with freebies. The drawback? If you do a sales post every day, you’re gonna piss your readers off. The flip side of that is that when I have mentioned sales posts here before, the response is always “if you don’t tell us about your products, we don’t know they exist.”
I have two other problems I need to address myself with sales. First, I don’t push products past the initial release. Like seriously, I launch a product, then never mention it again. What the crap?
My other issue is that I’m a terrible artist. I write awful. My spelling and grammar are poor. How can I possibly ask people to give me money for my rubbish?… What did you say? Imposter syndrome? Me? Well, I don’t think so mis…. Oh… Crap… Yes, you may be right…
I need to address both of those points, don’t I?
I will be giving more focus to other platforms and not be spending all my time on WordPress. Bluntly, there’s only so much marketing you can do on a blog. Post too many sales posts and you’ll annoy everyone, yourself included. Twitter and Instagram have a bit more leeway there. Even Tumblr you can post more frequently than WordPress. I’ve said I was going to spread myself out more a thousand times and I never do. Now, after my six-month long house sale has fallen through, I need the income. I need to sell. Twitter and Instagram, here I come. Though don’t talk to me about Facebook…
I will also try and do a weekly sales post on the blog. An entire post a week dedicated to something I am selling. Maybe explain or show the process of what I did to create the product. It doesn’t have to be all sell, sell, sell right? But it needs to be something. Posts dedicated to products work.
The other thing to do is find alternative incomes in the real world. I adore the internet in all its messy, troll-filled, poorly spelt and grammarededy ways. But I’ve always felt I need real-world incomes too.
A market stall with my art prints on for example. This time I want to take books with me too. I recall seeing Emily with a pile of self-published books behind her sofa. A quick search only shows cats on her sofa, but imagine that sofa with a pile of books behind it. That’s what I need to do. Get a small print run of the Little Fears books and take them with me to a craft market along with my art prints. You get the idea.
Ooo, look at that. Ending a post on a question. How very professional blogger of me. So how do you feel about marketing on a WordPress blog? Have you tried different methods? Let me know in comments.
Capricorn (ep. 74)
I watched my last breath drift up, past my face. An elegant display of silver bubbles.
She held my foot. Fingers clasped so tight my toes were already numb.
One last gasp, the water rushed into my lungs.
My daughters face, already a memory.
Grey Moon – Friday (ep. 52)
“My missus ain’t happy with me at the moment,” sighed Yuffie.
“Why not?” asked Reala.
“She said she wanted sex to be more magical between us,” replied Yuffie.
“And?” pushed Fuen.
“She threw a tantrum when I pulled a bunch of flowers and a deck of cards out from under the pillow,” moaned Yuffie.
Grey Moon – Friday (ep. 51)
“A lot of oddness on this road some days,” said Fuen.
“Tell me about it,” moaned Reala.
“Half of the weirdos seem to come in here for a drink and all,” said Yuffie.
“Oh, now what’s this?” sighed Reala, looking out the window.
A woman walked past the front windows wearing a yellow hooded mac, with a fishing rod slung over the shoulder and a fresh catch in hand. She made her way to the front door, swung it open and stood at the entrance looking at the assembled Fears.
“Hey lady,” said Yuffie. “Why the long plaice?”
Little Fears 