Spectres

Spectres began stepping out of the ocean. They’d cry out for help before sinking into the sand.

“Well, that’s not good,” said Jelly.

“No, it’s not,” sighed Cuttle. “But do you know what is good? The new machine they have at the gym.”

“I’ve heard it does everything,” interrupted Lucy.

“Oh, it does,” said Cuttle. “Snickers, Mars, Dairy Milks, the lot!”

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Pint

“When was the last time you saw her?” asked Jelly.

“When I took her to the pub,” replied Lucy. “The barman asked I wanted a beer for my wife.”

“That doesn’t sound like a fair swap,” pondered Parrotfish.

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Oasis

“Are you ever going back to your wife?” asked Cuttle. “Or are you going just going to avoid her forever?”

“I tried calling her,” sighed Lucy. “I made things worse by singing Oasis songs to her, though.”

“She asked you to stop, and I bet you didn’t,” said Jelly.

“Well,” said Lucy. “I said maybe…”

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Veg

“She’s not vegetarian is she?” asked Jelly.

“I don’t think so,” pondered Lucy. “I had to cook for a vegan martial arts film star once.”

“I might know the guy,” said Jelly. “Broco Lee?”

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Meals

“Nice,” said Lucy. “When I return home, I’m hoping to cook my missus a special meal.”

“I see,” said Jelly. “Is that what’s in the bag?”

“Yeah,” replied Lucy. “I just bought eight legs of venison for £120.”

“I think that’s two deer,” replied Jelly.

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Fished

“Aha, Lucy,” said Jelly. “You’re back.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been too the chip shop,” replied Lucy. “I wanted to know if they sold fishcakes.”

“Yeah, they do,” said Jelly. “I bought my goldfish one there for his birthday.”

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Pencil

“How did you deal with her passing?” asked Sprite.

“I tried marrying a pencil,” chuckled Lucy.

“You didn’t follow through with it, did you?” asked Sprite.

“Nah,” replied Lucy. “Yuffie talked me out of it when she met my bride 2B.”

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Pallet

“How did she die?” asked Sprite.

“Alice worked at a Nestle factory,” replied Lucy. “She was crushed under a pallet of chocolate. When she tried to attract attention by shouting “The milky bars are on me,” everyone cheered.”

“Cripes,” gasped Sprite. “That’s not sugarcoating it.”

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Astro

“Maybe, if I could find the book he was written in…” pondered Sprite.

“You could show it to other humans and bring his memory back,” replied Lucy. “Don’t. It never works out when it’s a loved one. “

“I know humans remember things differently, but he couldn’t be too different, could he?” asked Sprite.

“Yes,” sighed Lucy. “I tried bringing back an ex-wife once. She returned obsessed with astrology. It Taurus apart.”

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Moon

“Where do I go now?” asked Sprite.

“I’m heading back to the Black Isles,” said Lucy. “Might torture Meria for a bit longer.”

Sprite looked skywards. “I wish we could visit the stars.”

“Eh, the restaurant on the moon serves great food,” said Lucy. “But it’s got no atmosphere.”

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