Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“I saw an actor dressed as Peter Pan floating along the road to the afterlife, yesterday,” remarked Reala.
“I know the one,” said Yuffie. “He neverlands.”
“Hah,” snorted Fuen. “Peter Pan puns never grow old.”
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Badger, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
As she slithered out of the sea, she felt her the cold air against her twelve nipples. They stood erect and perky, like dried pinto beans. On further inspection, the sea-beast noticed her boobs had swollen after a prolonged visit to the bottom of the ocean. She felt sexual today. She flicked her head back sending the droplets of water tumbling down her scale-covered boobs. It was that moment she realised the horror of her situation.
“Ah, fuck it,” she grumbled. “I’m being written by a man…”
I jest, I jest!
Did you see the Facebook drama last week about men and women writing from the opposite gender’s point of view? No, neither did I, I frickin’ hate Facebook. But I did see it when it spilt across Twitter and the blogosphere.
In my opinion, you should be allowed to write whatever you want and it’s a stupid debate.
Although, I would always say if you’re going to write something gender-specific, go ask a member of the opposite sex to read your text. Or you may find your work being mocked mercilessly (and usually, quite rightly) on Men Write Women over on Twatter. (Linky: twitter.com/men_write_women )
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Badger, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“Don’t give me that tone of face,” said Lucy.
“You’re a killer,” grumbled Meria. “That’s why you’re here.”
“That and because I trashed the wife’s house when she left me for being insecure,” sighed Lucy. “Turns out she’d just gone to get tea bags…”
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Badger, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“Who the heck is Yuffie?” asked Meria.
“The embodiment of necromancy,” replied Lucy, “and she’s as old as balls.”
“How old?” asked Meria.
“I’m not sure,” pondered Lucy. “But she was there when the greeks named Tuesday. Apparently, they watched the moon go around the earth, and called it a day.”
A quick shout out and thanks to Badger of TheBadgerUnderground for the recent $10 patronage.
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“What is this living nightmare?” cried Meria.
“Exactly what we deserve,” replied Lucy. “Well, you deserve. I’m just on vacation here.”
“You came here by choice?” asked Meria.
“Kind of,” sighed Lucy. “Yuffie sent me here. I killed her ex-girlfriend. Well, I thought I did. Twins are a pain in the arse.”
Shout out and thanks to Debbie of MyMusingMoments this morning, for buying me a cuppa on Ko-Fi yesterday. Cheers, mate.
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Devina, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
Morning came, and Lucy arrived at her usual time. “Where were you last night?” asked Meria.
“Home, of course,” replied Lucy.
“I swear there was someone in my house last night,” cried Meria.
“Funny, I thought someone was standing outside my window last night,” pondered Lucy. “Until I woke up and noticed the handprints on the inside of the glass…”
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Devina, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
The creak of floorboards awoke Meria. The rush of adrenaline had her scrambling for the door before her eyes had fully opened. The door to the next room slammed shut.
“Alexa, turn on the lights,” cried out Meria.
“No,” came the reply.
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Devina, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“Don’t you think the Sprites dying on this beach are becoming darker somehow,” observed Jelly.
“Sprites used to be so fun,” sighed Cuttle. “I met one the other day that was slaughtered by a crochet hook wielding nutter.”
“Quango, the crochet killer,” chimed in Parrotfish. “A murderer who’d always follow a pattern.”
Two extra shout outs today. First goes to Bruce Campbell (not the one who fought the Evil Dead) of BeachDaze. Second to Devina of Hot Chocolate and Books and Poets Corner who did an awesome job of tidying my GoodReads page. Both of them have hit me up with a $10 Patreon pledge. Cheers, folks. You’re awesome.
Cheers to Bruce Campbell, Devina, Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“Help,” pleaded another Sprite emerging from the ocean. “I don’t know where I am.”
“The gap between the world of the living and the lands of the dead, yadda, yadda,” replied Cuttle. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Two pills,” sighed Sprite. “One would kill me and the other would make me forget my family.”
The trio watched another Sprite sink into the sand. “I had to swallow one,” it cried, “my child would have the other.”
Man, I need to dip back into horror more. I’m sure this idea was in a film or TV program. Possibly an old Twilight Zone? Be darned if I can remember where I’ve seen it though.
Thanks and shout out to Barb of LetItGoCoach for buying me another cuppa Ko-Fi. Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
“Well, then she suggested we get another parrotfish in for a threesome,” grumbled Parrotfish.
“Oooh, now I wouldn’t be up for that,” said Jelly.
“Threesomes?” asked Parrotfish.
“Yeah,” sighed Jelly. “If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d have dinner with my parents…”
Cheers to Kathy & Warren for the continued $10 Patronage. You can find me on Ko Fi, Patreon, Etsy, Amazon, Skillshare and Threadless.
Little Fears 