Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“There are only two ways off this roof,” said Lucy.
Gerald peered over the edge at the stained concrete below.
He knew he wasn’t the first man given this choice.
He knew he wouldn’t be the last man given this choice.
And he knew, all the others would have made the decision as quick and easy as he had.
Ooo, sound effects! Crunchy.
“Another text?” asked Yuffie.
“Yeah,” grumbled Lucy.
“That must have been twenty in five minutes,” pondered Yuffie. “Who’re they all from?”
“My ex,” sighed Lucy.
Fuen looked over Lucy’s shoulder. “They all say ‘wish you were here…’”
“Yep,” grumbled Lucy. “She always sends them when she’s walking through a graveyard.”
“Well,” said Sprite, “that wasn’t very polite!”
She was glad whatever was holding her ankle had let go. Her concern over the mud rising up and covering her body was still present though.
Lucy figured it was nice humankind had never realized the true value of diamonds.
“Plumber cleared the blockage in septic tank then left without saying a word. Didn’t take payment and won’t answer emails, texts or DMs on Twitter. Whistling noise now coming from pipes. Eight of ten I guess. Did the job, but I wouldn’t recommend.”
– Desmond’s Drains. Avg rating 7/10.
She watched the grains drop. Hoping for a blockage that never came. Knowing that when her time was up, she’d be in there with them.
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“Human life is precious,” she argued. “Besides which, they taste nicer than other farm animals.”
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As the star loomed closer, astronomers agreed, there could be worse fates than worlds colliding.
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The worst thing about insomnia is facing the night terrors while awake.
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Little Fears 