Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Gonna fly home mate,” said Fuen.
“It’s been a long month,” sighed Yuffie.
“With no internet,” noted Fuen. “Can’t wait to get in and check my email.”
“Yeah, and I need to upload these snaps to Ello,” said Yuffie.
“You know you’re home,” pondered Fuen, “when the Wi-Fi connects automatically.”
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“Brah,” said Spectre, “what a run!”
“I know right,” said Sprite. “I’m knackered.”
“Taking a selfie?” asked Spectre.
“Oh yes,” replied Sprite. “Gotta tweet goals, man.”
“Innit,” replied Spectre. “All this working out would be such a waste of time if we didn’t tell internet strangers we were doing it.”
Apologies for this coming stupendously late today. Having to do some in-house work this week to keep the cash flow moving.
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“Grey Moon pub,” said Reala, answering the phone.
“Hello Reala,” said Bug.
“Ahh, Bug,” said Reala. “My biggest fan on social media.”
“Yep,” said Bug. “It’s me. Listen, I’m calling because Instagram’s down today.”
“And I can help, how?” asked Reala.
“Well,” sighed Bug, “I just can’t start my day without knowing what you had for breakfast this morning…”
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“Have you heard about these influencer humans?” asked Ello.
“I have,” replied Fuen.
“Did you know,” pondered Ello, “some of them get paid sponsorship fees upwards of five hundred pounds to mention brands in their posts?”
“Wow,” said Fuen. “That’s almost as crazy as the prices in the DFS summer sale.”
This post is not sponsored. Though if Ello or DFS want to contact me, leave a comment?
A wee break from Lily and Sally this week. Thoroughly enjoyed posting the first 30 tales long story. Six weeks of the intrepid duo already! They’ll be back for their second case next week when a cat burglar comes to town. The first storyline was inspired by murder mysteries in the vein of Poirot. The next story takes after buddy cop TV shows. Gotta love the Sweeney. “You’re nicked, mate!” BOSH! Shaking down suspects, fast cars, plot twists and surly witnesses.
While I prepare the next set of videos and get things scheduled, I have four tales of interwebs related humour followed by a tale of ponderance from the illustrator. I do hope you enjoy.
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“I won the competition, but lost her love,” scowled the suspect.
“So you killed her in revenge?” asked Lily.
“Yeah,” grumbled the suspect. “Then I framed her and her friends for as many crimes as I could in the process. A grand smoke screen.”
“You may have gotten away with it too had we not arrived before you left,” said Sally.
“Officers,” said Lily. “Take her away.”
The constables ushered the killer out of the apartment as she ranted about tongue twisting competitions.
“A shame,” said Lily. “But she’s going to get a really tough sentence.”
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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“She pushed me into entering the World Tongue Twisting Championship,” continued the suspect.
“Did you do well?” asked Sally.
“Yeah, I did as it goes,” said the suspect. “But that’s where it happened.”
“What happened?” asked Lily.
“The day of the final, she dumped me,” grumbled the suspect.
“Oh dear,” said Sally. “I bet that left you tongue-tied.”
Photo by Taylor Bryant on Unsplash
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“She taught me so much about love, life and sports,” continued the suspect.
“So what went wrong?” asked Lily.
“It started the day she showed me her MC Hammer memorabilia collection,” sighed the suspect.
“Oh, aye?” asked Lily. “What happened?”
“She wouldn’t let me touch anything,” sighed the suspect.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
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“She taught me so much about love, life and sports,” continued the suspect.
“What sort of sports?” asked Sally.
“Blindfold darts,” replied the suspect.
“Wait,” said Lily. “You play darts blindfolded? Isn’t that dangerous?”
“It’s exhilarating, exciting and chaotic,” replied the suspect. “Never tried it?”
“Well, no,” said Lily.
“Oh, you don’t know what your missing,” said the suspect.
Photo by Artur Matosyan on Unsplash
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“So you know the victim?” asked Lily.
“I met her many years ago when she was looking for a drummer,” sighed the suspect.
“So you were in a band with her,” said Lily.
“Yeah,” grumped the suspect. “The Naughty Devils.”
“I’ve heard of them,” said Sally. “A hell of a band.”
Photo by Austin Neill on Unsplash
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“All right, all right,” said the voice from the toilet. “I’m coming out.”
The moment she emerged, Sally slapped a pair of handcuffs on her.
“Hiding in a flat with a dead body,” said Lily. “Blood on your hands too. Tell us the truth and it’ll be a lot easier on you.”
“Fine,” grumped the suspect. “I killed her. You arrived while I was covering my tracks.”
“Well, your plan went down the shi…”
“Sally!” cried Lily.
Photo by Felipe P. Lima Rizo on Unsplash
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Little Fears 