Writing books & learning experiences

Second book out, with a third on its way in June. Going good right? A little bit about what I have learned and what’s to come.

First off, all self-publishing platforms have their issues. Create-Space sets the price way to high for picture books. I would need to sell a 96 tale book for £18 with £0.00 coming to me. I tried Comixology, better, but far more suited to actual comics. I ambled back to KDP. Published the paperback edition, ordered a copy, then unpublished. Better, but it removes the ability to pre-order. All jolly frustrating yes?

I know these problems are mostly to do with releasing colour picture books. Not much I can do about that. So KDP is where I shall continue publishing.

Getting reviews on Amazon as akin to drawing blood from a stone. Everyone says this. We cannot incentivise reviews now (see October 2016). I’m told getting 50 reviews is needed because from there on you get your book featured in the ‘also read’ more often. Makes sense. Doesn’t help newcomers when the market is flooded with ‘bought review’ books. I wanted to gather some reviews, but given how bias the system is, it’s not something I want to waste time on. Instead, I hoped to get people talking and sharing the book elsewhere.

For promotion, I fell a bit flatter than I should have.On KDP you can set an ebook to free for up to 5 days. I had a pre-made social media battering campaign ready. The intention was to go mad the first five days and gather up some Amazon reviews. The reason it fell flat, was because I got a bunch of freelance work dumped my way and I need to pay my bills. I should have prioritised the book. I didn’t. My loss. Learn from my own advice, and prioritise your own shit before others.

One other thing. On some social media channels, I only linked to UK Amazon. Some people didn’t realise it was available on USA Amazon as well. In future, I shall endeavour to link to both in every post on social medias.

The next book Spiders is almost ready to go, and I was aiming for a June release. Unfortunately, throughout June I have a stack of work and am moving a house worth of stuff towards the end of the month. I also need to share a few stories around to get a grasp on whether they are offensive or not. I m aware I have posted some stories that are deemed offensive. Old British humour dips that way sometimes without intending too. So, June, it’s going to be busy.

I had an unfortunate knock the other day. I write a long way in advance. The folk who followed me here from my old blog can attest to that. I currently have nine books written in flash fiction style. 9 of the buggers! At one a month, this will keep me releasing a book a month until the new year. But here’s the thing. At some point, my writing style changed. The books became more narrative instead of a series of unrelated puns. The 4th and 5th books have a theme. The 5th takes place entirely in a bar. The 6th, 7th and 8th books are entirely one story per book, each consisting of 96 tales. When I wrote the 9th book I went back to 96 unconnected puns. It was fun, it was me, but after the strong narratives of the prior books I have just written, I struggled to reread my own book.

Book 9 would be a December release time at one a month? I may feel differently then. At the moment though, I feel like I can’t go back to writing straight up stand alone independent puns. Of course, the alternative I have is to strip Bugly’s down and sell the stories to flash fiction books or magazines. That might be a better option aye?

If you aren’t interested in buying a book, you can still read the Little Fears here, as for as long as I can I shall be posting 1 tale a day here. Though I am only half way through Book 3, so you will have to wait a couple of years before you see that later books heh.

If you want to help keep a creator well stocked with Hydra’s kibble, you can hit me up over on Patreon and support me for as little as $1 a month. You’ll be helping to support the free daily tales I publish here and Hydra’s waistline.

Finally, a quick repeat, both January and Capricorn are now available in paperback form from Amazon ~

January USA – $15.54

January UK – £12.00

Capricorn USA – $15.54

Capricorn UK – £12.00

Tipp-Ex

“Looking glum there, Spider,” said Yuffie, “Wos’ up?”

“What is up,” replied Spider calmly.

“OK,” replied Yuffie, “what is up?”

“Swallowed a bottle of Tipp-Ex last night instead of Viagra,” sighed Spider.

“Oh dear!” said Yuffie. “Any side effects?”

“Yes,” whimpered Spider. “I woke up with a massive correction.”

 

~

 

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Library

“There you go ma’am, ‘The History of Bad Jokes’,” said Librarian.

“Thanks a lot!” chirped Fuen.

“And may I get you anything ma’am” Librarian asked Cloud.

“Do you have any porn?” asked Cloud.

“Ma’am! This is a library!” squawked Librarian.

“Oh sorry,” apologized Cloud. “Do you have any porn?” she whispered.

 

~

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Smell

“Mum says I stink and need to wash more,” sighed Spider.

“Do you use deodorant or aftershave?” asked Spider.

“What are they?” asked Spider.

“They make you smell better,” replied Spider.

“Here, try putting this on,” said Spider, handing Spider a bottle.

“New aftershave made by me,” Spider continued, “It’s called breadcrumbs. The birds love it!”

 

~

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January & Capricorn – Little Fears hit paperback

Busses and Fears books. Wait a thousand years for the Little Fears to put out a book, and three come along at once. January and Capricorn are now both available in paperback formats on Amazon (woot!). January is a collection of 90 pun based tales (all published here) and Capricorn being 88 horror tales (12 posted here so far).

January USA – $15.54

January UK – £12.00

Capricorn USA – $15.54

Capricorn UK – £12.00

The paperback edition I got down to £12 from the looney prices I was looking at before by some ninja editing. Getting it to one tale per page made a huge difference on the printing costs.

The Little Fears is something I really enjoy doing. I think that comes across in every tale and doodle I put out there. But it wouldn’t exist the way it does if you, the awesome readers, didn’t come by, leaving funny comments and laugh along with the tales. As a thank you for being awesome, I have set Capricorns digital edition to free for the next 5 days.

Capricorn Kindle Edition

Did I say three books? Yes. Already edited and being double checking now for mistakes is Spiders, another 96 tales of humour and wisdom from the Little Fears.

So yes, Little Fears books are indeed like busses… 🙂

Finally, another quick thank yu to Devina, who got January on the Kindle weeks ago and has helped me on Good Reads.

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Obsessions

Spider looked miserable.

“What’s up?” asked Fuen.

“My new girlfriend is leaving me,” sighed Spider. “She says it’s because I’m too obsessed with The Monkees.”

“Oh dear,” replied Fuen.

“At first I thought she was kidding,” cried Spider. “Then I saw her face….”

 

~

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Drive

“So why were you in his car?” asked Yuffie.

“Because his cheese and onion sandwich was tiny and pathetic,” said Shadow.

“Let me have a look,” said Yuffie.

She pulled the sandwich open to reveal a stringy bit of cheese and the smallest onion she had ever seen.

“Really Driver?” sighed Yuffie.

“Yep,” said Driver, “that’s shallot.”

 

~

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Faith

“It was feckin’ awful,” said Spider.

“That bad huh?” replied Climber.

“Honestly, faith healer? He couldn’t heal a hurty knee!” snorted Spider.

“Was anyone else at the show angry about it?” asked Climber.

“Oh yes,” said Spider. “One guy in a wheel chair got up and walked out.”

 

~

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Walking

“Ignore him,” said Serpent. “It’s his current addiction.”

“What’s that?” asked Red.

“Oh, he’s obsessed with hill walking,” said Serpent.

“Ah,” replied Red. “I once got addicted to skiing.”

“Oh aye?” asked Serpent.

“Yeah,” replied Red. “It was a slippery slope.”

 

~

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Steps

“You’re not goin’ up there are ya?” asked Seb.

“Yeah,” replied Lady.

“You trust the stairs?” asked Seb.

“Well, erm, yes?” replied Lady. “What’s not to trust about stairs?”

“For a start,” replied Seb, “they’re always up to something.”

 

~

 

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