
Lucy figured it was nice humankind had never realized the true value of diamonds.
Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes

Lucy figured it was nice humankind had never realized the true value of diamonds.

“Plumber cleared the blockage in septic tank then left without saying a word. Didn’t take payment and won’t answer emails, texts or DMs on Twitter. Whistling noise now coming from pipes. Eight of ten I guess. Did the job, but I wouldn’t recommend.”
– Desmond’s Drains. Avg rating 7/10.

“Then the fecking thing bit me,” moaned Fuen.
“I’ve told you before,” sighed Yuffie, “never turn on the News Corp channels.”

“I had wondered why all my trees were burnt,” sighed Reala.
“It gets worse,” claimed Sprite. “She’s dug up your vegetable patch.”
“The fiend!” cried Reala, shaking her fists at the sky.

“Humans cake?” asked the cloud.”Didn’t think you liked peoples sweets.”
“No, human cake,” she groaned. “A cake made of humans.”
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“Let’s rock!” hollered the stone beast.
Sprite sighed…
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“So weak I can’t pull up an ear of corn, eh?” he sighed.
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She watched the grains drop. Hoping for a blockage that never came. Knowing that when her time was up, she’d be in there with them.
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“She might look a bit funny, but trust me,” he sighed, “if your name ain’t down, you ain’t getting in.”
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