Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“She’s got a few diet subscriptions service emails,” noticed Lily.
“I tried the almond diet recently,” said Sally.
“Oh, aye?” replied Lily. “How did that work out?”
“Eh,” moaned Sally. “It was nuts.”
“Sally, don’t make diet jokes,” sighed Lily.
“Sorry ma’am,” said Sally. “It was in poor taste.”
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Let’s check her emails,” said Lily.
“What’s that one?” asked Sally.
“Household complaints,” replied Lily. “Looks like one of her neighbours has been playing loud music.”
“Oh, I had that,” moaned Sally. “Some bugger playing Lionel Ritchie at max volume.”
“I like Lionel,” said Lily.
“So do I,” sighed Sally. “But it was all night long…”
Photo by Jarosław Ceborski on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Here we go,” said Lily.
“My word, that’s a lot of shopping websites in her history,” noticed Sally.
“Looking at her wish list,” said Lily, “I think she’s trying to build a model of Mt Everest.”
“To scale?” asked Sally.
“Nah, just to look at,” replied Lily.
Photo by samsommer on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Is the anti-virus up to date?” asked Sally.
“It seems so,” said Lily.
“Gotta be careful about computer viruses ma’am,” said Sally.
“I know,” replied Lily. “I once had a virus on my desktop PC.”
“What was the cure?” asked Sally.
“An 80’s goth rock band,” replied Lily. “But that’s not important right now.”
Photo by Davids Kokainis on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“I’m in,” announced Lily as the laptop pinged to life.
“We should check her browsing history too, ma’am,” said Sally. “If there are any snake websites we’d know the hissy little git was hers.”
“Good thinking, Sally,” said Lilly. “Hmm, it doesn’t want to load any web pages.”
“Have you tried disabling cookies?” asked Sally.
“Well, I once bit the legs of a gingerbread man,” replied Lily.
Photo by Jordan Sanchez on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Let me have a look,” said Lily, taking control of the laptop.
“Do you have a background in tech?” asked Sally.
“I once built an automated robot,” replied Lily. “It would talk about the weather while delivering small objects to friends and family.”
“Oh wow,” gasped Sally. “Sounds impressive!”
“Eh, I had to turn it off in the end,” grumbled Lily. “It would drone on and on.”
Photo by Mariano Rossi on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“Her laptop’s on,” noticed Lily.
“So it is,” said Sally.
“We should check her emails for clues,” said Lily.
“It’s password protected, ma’am,” sighed Sally. “We may need to call the police dog tech team.”
“Oh don’t bother with them,” grumbled Lily. “Their bark is worse than their byte.”
Photo by Yiqun Tang on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“A what ‘thon’?” asked Sally.
“Sally, are you going deaf?” asked Lily.
“A little,” sighed Sally. “But only in one ear, ma’am.”
“What ear is it?” asked Lily.
“2018,” replied Sally.
Photo by Florencia Potter on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
Lily cocked her head, “did you hear that?”
“A hissing,” replied Sally, “where’s it coming from?”
Lily opened the cupboard. “Cripes, a snake!”
Sally grabbed a broom for protection. “Is it a dangerous breed?”
“Well,” said Lily, “it looks like the snake is exactly 3.14 metres long.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Sally.
“It’s a pi-thon,” replied Lily.
Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
“What else have the team found?” asked Lily.
“There’s a body in the freezer ma’am,” replied Sally, leading Lily through to the kitchen.
“My word,” said Lily. “She’s crammed in there. Any signs of what killed her?”
“Not that we can easily see,” replied Sally. “She’s been in there a while. Frozen solid.”
“Well I guess,” sighed Lily, “this is a cold case.”
Ko-Fi | Patreon | Etsy | Kindle | Skillshare | Threadless
Little Fears 