Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Her laptop’s on,” noticed Lily.
“So it is,” said Sally.
“We should check her emails for clues,” said Lily.
“It’s password protected, ma’am,” sighed Sally. “We may need to call the police dog tech team.”
“Oh don’t bother with them,” grumbled Lily. “Their bark is worse than their byte.”
Photo by Yiqun Tang on Unsplash
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“A what ‘thon’?” asked Sally.
“Sally, are you going deaf?” asked Lily.
“A little,” sighed Sally. “But only in one ear, ma’am.”
“What ear is it?” asked Lily.
“2018,” replied Sally.
Photo by Florencia Potter on Unsplash
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‘As the mayor’s skin turned to seed, he pleaded, one last time. The pigeon shaman ignored his cries. The flock arrived. Hungry.’
The pigeon shaman, the avian avenger, taking out her fury on the poor fella for his anti-pigeon measures. She’s also taking her Fears to both a Threadless and Etsy store near you!
Little Fears on Etsy: etsy.com/uk/shop/LittleFears
Little Fears on Threadless: littlefears.threadless.com
As she’s a new release, and I adore her, you can message me below or email me at fears@gmx.co.uk to get her A4 print for just £8 + P&P. Offer ends Saturday, June 9th.
You may also know that Seeking Hydras cover has returned to my Etsy store this week.
And do you know what? As I’m using up my entire year’s marketing quota in just one post, I’m also going to link to the book this image came from. Seeking Hydra.
Seeking Hydra is available on Amazon for £4.99 for an ebook or £12 in print. And gosh darn it, does it have a sexy cover. Feel free to judge.
Amazon link: amzn.to/2xu57T0
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Lily cocked her head, “did you hear that?”
“A hissing,” replied Sally, “where’s it coming from?”
Lily opened the cupboard. “Cripes, a snake!”
Sally grabbed a broom for protection. “Is it a dangerous breed?”
“Well,” said Lily, “it looks like the snake is exactly 3.14 metres long.”
“What’s that mean?” asked Sally.
“It’s a pi-thon,” replied Lily.
Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash
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“What else have the team found?” asked Lily.
“There’s a body in the freezer ma’am,” replied Sally, leading Lily through to the kitchen.
“My word,” said Lily. “She’s crammed in there. Any signs of what killed her?”
“Not that we can easily see,” replied Sally. “She’s been in there a while. Frozen solid.”
“Well I guess,” sighed Lily, “this is a cold case.”
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“Is there anything missing?” asked Lily.
“We’re not sure,” replied Sally. “We found some empty boxes in her bedroom.”
“I see,” said Lily, wandering through to the bedroom.
“Small jewellery boxes on the dresser ma’am,” said Sally. “H. R. Maguffin Jewelers. A diamond specialist if I recall the name correctly. All boxes are empty.”
“Seems the motive is crystal clear,” pondered Lily.
Photo by Cheryl Winn-Boujnida on Unsplash
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“The window,” said Lily. “Was it open when you arrived?”
“Yes it was,” replied Sally.
“I see there are policemen fishing something out of the pool below,” observed Lily.
“Shares ma’am,” stated Sally, thumbing through her notes. “She’d invested heavily in swimming pool manufacturers.”
“Well it would appear,” said Lily, “her stocks dived.”
Photo by Adrien Siami on Unsplash
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“It looks like there was a struggle,” observed Lily.
“Aye,” agreed Sally. “There must have been a tussle by the sideboard.”
“A smashed lamp,” noticed Lily. “Change and jewellery tray scattered on the floor. Scraps of a painting.”
“Was the painting in anything?” pondered Sally.
“There are bits of broken wood between here and the body,” said Lily.
“So the victim’s been framed,” replied Sally.
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“Ah,” said Sally, “the pizza expert here.”
“Pan,” she said shaking Sally’s hand. “Deep pan. Pizza crime specialist.”
“Ma’am, we found melted cheese on the victim’s body,” said Sally.
“I see,” said Lily, watching Pan inspect the dairy. “Cant you tell us anything?”
“Well, it’s cheddar,” said Pan. “From a pizzeria. Organic. Pretty fresh. It’s been shredded into little pieces.”
“Sounds grate,” replied Sally.
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“What’s that in her hand?” asked Lily.
Sally, diligently reached down and open the body’s closed fist. “It’s a roll-up, ma’am. Smells of weed.”
“Interesting,” pondered Lily, reaching down and bloodied rock. “Where did this come from?”
“The ground I imagine ma’am,” replied Sally. “It’s another potential murder weapon. She has blood on the back of her head, could have been blunt force trauma from the rock.”
“Make a note Sally,” said Lily. “Evidence she was stoned.”
Photo by Aperture Vintage on Unsplash
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Little Fears 