Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“The hold music was driving me crazy,” said Blue.
“I’m not surprised,” laughed Black.
“They didn’t fix it in the end either,” moaned Blue.
“Did the sea life centre keep a copy of the call?” asked White.
“Oh yes,” replied Blue. “They record all calls for training porpoises.”
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“Well I didn’t know,” sighed Black.
“Pretty daft question tho bro,” replied Blue.
“What’s that?” asked White.
“I’d heard of an old film about a whale that swam about with no pants on,” replied Black.
“Aye?” asked White, “what’s it called?”
Blue smirked. “Free Willy.”
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“I’m pretty sure my neighbour is stalking me,” said White.
“What makes you say that?” asked Fuen.
“Well I saw him Googling my name on his mobile phone,” said White.
“Oh,” replied Fuen. “Where was that?”
“In his bedroom,” said White. “I saw it with my infrared night sight telescope. At 3 am. It was kinda hard to see through the crack in his curtains…”
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“Urgh, I have another session today,” grumped Cloud.
“What with?” asked Cloud.
“My therapist,” sighed Cloud.
“What are you seeing a therapist for?” asked Cloud.
“He says I have a preoccupation with revenge,” said Cloud. “We’ll see about that…”
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“So why did you change all your passwords to ‘incorrect’?” asked Fuen.
“Well,” said Spider, “I can never remember any of my passwords, and my rabbit keeps eating my password books.”
“And?” pushed Fuen.
“Well every time I get my password wrong, I get a reminder,” said Spider.
“Eh?” asked Fuen.
Spider spun her laptop around for Fuen to see the message, ‘Your password is incorrect’.
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“I can’t multi-task at all,” sighed Black Fish.
“Oh, I’m great at multi-tasking,” chirped Surfer.
“Really?” asked Black Fish.
“Oh yes,” said Surfer. “I can waste time, procrastinate, look at kitten pictures and be unproductive all at the same time!”
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“I just read a study on black holes,” said Yuffie.
“I just read a study on editors and insanity,” sighed Lady.
“I just read an article about weight,” pipped in Tree. “Women who put on a few pounds live longer.”
“Live longer than who?” asked Lady.
“The men who mention it,” replied Tree.
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“Hey Light,” said Fuen. “Haven’t seen you all week!”
“Yeah, I’ve been learning new skills,” replied Light.
“Oh really?” asked Fuen, “like what?”
“Well, I just spent the last six days learning escapology,” said Light.
“Six days!” exclaimed Fuen.
“Yeah,” sighed Light, “I need to get out more…”
~
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“Nick off!” said Plant.
“Mate, I do think about it sometimes,” sighed Shadows.
“What are ya talking about?” asked Fuen.
“Shadows thinks dolphins might be smarter than men,” said Plant.
“I believe he has a point,” said Fuen. “You guys can’t even get your wives to make you a sandwich.”
“So?” said Plant.
“Dolphins have women dress in skin tight clothes, stand by the pool edge, and throw them food,” grinned Fuen.
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“Never mind son,” said Whisp’s dad.
“But it bothers me,” sighed Whisp.
“That much?” asked Whisp’s dad.
“Yeah,” sighed Whisp, “my snoring keeps waking me up.”
“I see,” said Whisp’s dad. “Have you tried sleeping in another room?”
~
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Little Fears 