humour – Page 42 – Little Fears

Twitter Quotes

January 16, 2018 LittleFears50 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 32)

“The one about the lie of the land something-something,” said a penguin.

“That doesn’t sound right,” said another penguin.

“What’s up?” asked Reala.

“Trying to remember a quote I read on Twitter this morning,” said a penguin.

“I have a good quote about quotes on Twitter,” said Reala. “‘The problem with quotes on Twitter is that you can never tell if they’re genuine.'”

“Who said that?” asked a penguin.

“Winston Churchill in 1943,” replied Reala.

~~~

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Web Spiders

January 15, 2018 LittleFears37 Comments

Capricorn (ep. 65)

https://youtu.be/apjtMaTkQa8
“Web spiders?” laughed Ted.

“Oh yes,” said Teacher. “Also viruses.”

“But they aren’t real,” said Ted.

“Keep telling yourself that,” said Teacher.

Ted laughed, as the army of arachnids amassed inside the CD drive.

~~~

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Asian Tunes

January 14, 2018 LittleFears54 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 31)

The penguin at the back shook her head and rubbed her ear against a table.

“What’s up with her?” asked Reala.

“We were at a concert in South East Asia last night,” replied another penguin.

“Ah,” said Reala, “Singapore?”

“Terrible,” replied the penguin. “The rest of the band weren’t much cop either.”

~~~

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Tagi Car

January 13, 2018 LittleFears56 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 30)

https://youtu.be/-_WMo1Gbxr8
“We picked the fox up in our spaghetti car,” said a penguin.

“A spaghetti car?” asked Reala.

“Mmhmm,” replied a penguin. “A little Italian number made entirely of tagliatelle.”

“Is that even possible?” laughed Reala.

“You sound like my mum,” moaned the penguin.

“Oh?” gasped Reala.

“She didn’t believe I could make a spaghetti car either,” grumbled the penguin. “The look on her face when I drove pasta…”

~~~

Shepards Bush

January 12, 2018 LittleFears21 Comments

Capricorn (ep. 64)

He dragged her along the floor by her neck with his crook. Down the stairs now, her head banging against each step. Cold stone. She felt dizzy.

A heavy wooden door at the bottom. They went through it into a dark room. He released her. The door slammed shut.

Tilting her head to the side, she felt blood against her face. It was probably hers. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Two more men were here. Both with crooks. In the centre of the room seemed to be a twelve-foot-tall topiary sheep. Its eyes were red. It looked down at her.

‘Shepard’s Bush’ she thought to herself. She’d always wondered where this place had gotten its name.

~~~

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Arctic Desert

January 11, 2018 LittleFears34 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 29)

https://youtu.be/WyhgdaNKwA4
“Are you finding life inland enjoyable?” asked Reala.

“Not bad,” replied a penguin. “You know, this pub reminds me of the dive we visited when we walked across the Sahara with that nameless arctic fox.”

“Yeah it does a bit,” said the second penguin. “Proper dump!”

“A nameless arctic fox in the desert,” pondered Reala. “What did you call her?”

“Lost,” snickered the penguins.

~~~

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Chilly Meat

January 10, 2018 LittleFears27 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 28)

https://youtu.be/Z_6cYw5OegM
“I wonder where Sandra ended up,” wondered one penguin out loud.

“Who’s Sandra?” asked Reala

“The fourth penguin in our troupe,” replied the penguin. “She left us early on due to a disagreement in the chilly northern forests over meat.”

“Oh dear,” said Reala, “what happened?”

“Nothing really,” replied the penguin, “she just got the cold shoulder.”

~~~

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Moving Inland

January 9, 2018 LittleFears49 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 27)

“OK,” sighed Reala. “Why are you here?”

“We have told the sea we are leaving, and are moving inland,” announced a penguin.

“I see,” said Reala. “What did the sea say about that?”

“Nothing,” replied the penguin. “She just waved”.

The penguins snickered.

~~~

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Fortune Machines

January 8, 2018 LittleFears44 Comments

Capricorn (ep. 63)

The card read: ‘You will find another man’.

She turned it over in her hand, looking to David.

“You take this stuff seriously?” he laughed. “It’s so dumb.”

He whacked the machine. A card slid out. ‘She will find another man’.

“Feckin’ machine,” he spat, whacking it again.

A third card. ‘You’re dead Dave’.

He reached back to punch the glass just as the machine toppled forward onto him.

~~~

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Yodelling Penguins

January 7, 2018 LittleFears59 Comments

Grey Moon – Wednesday (ep. 26)

Three penguins shuffled into the bar. They stood in such a tightly formed line that when Reala looked at them from the front, it seemed like they were just one penguin.

“Erm,” started Reala, “hello?”

“‘Allo darling,” squeaked the first penguin. “We’re here for a yodelling lesson.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know of any yodelling lessons taught around here,” replied Reala.

“Darn,” said the penguin. “Then we formed an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue for nothing.”

~~~

How does a boomtish sound if performed in the key of yodel?

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