Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
Capricorn (ep. 74)
I watched my last breath drift up, past my face. An elegant display of silver bubbles.
She held my foot. Fingers clasped so tight my toes were already numb.
One last gasp, the water rushed into my lungs.
My daughters face, already a memory.
Grey Moon – Friday (ep. 52)
“My missus ain’t happy with me at the moment,” sighed Yuffie.
“Why not?” asked Reala.
“She said she wanted sex to be more magical between us,” replied Yuffie.
“And?” pushed Fuen.
“She threw a tantrum when I pulled a bunch of flowers and a deck of cards out from under the pillow,” moaned Yuffie.
Grey Moon – Friday (ep. 51)
“A lot of oddness on this road some days,” said Fuen.
“Tell me about it,” moaned Reala.
“Half of the weirdos seem to come in here for a drink and all,” said Yuffie.
“Oh, now what’s this?” sighed Reala, looking out the window.
A woman walked past the front windows wearing a yellow hooded mac, with a fishing rod slung over the shoulder and a fresh catch in hand. She made her way to the front door, swung it open and stood at the entrance looking at the assembled Fears.
“Hey lady,” said Yuffie. “Why the long plaice?”
Grey Moon – Thursday (ep. 50)
“I remember working for an advertising agency for claustrophobic folk,” said Yuffie.
“You what?” asked Reala.
“Oh yes, a whole building full of claustrophobic people creating new advertising campaigns,” replied Yuffie.
“Where they any good?” asked Fuen.
“Well,” said Yuffie, “they were more productive when thinking outside of the box…”
“What now Stephi?” asked Chris.
“We create new life,” replied Stephi.
She forced him onto his back, he laughed. She leant over him, her face close to his.
“Good start,” grinned Chris.
Stephi’s face began melting, oozing onto Chris’ face. Finding his nostrils, covering his eyes, filling his mouth.
“I was hired as a party planner,” said Saturn.
“Oh, that must have been fun,” said Reala.
“It was quite,” replied Saturn. “One time I had to organise a party in space.”
“Blimey,” said Reala. “How did you pull that off?”
“Ah,” said Saturn, “I had to planet…”
“I got fired from a few jobs,” laughed Yuffie.
“Oh god, me too,” replied Reala.
“Years ago, I got fired from a calendar factory,” moaned Yuffie.
Fuen and Reala raised an eyebrow.
“All I did was take a day off,” sighed Yuffie.
“I worked at a British biscuit factory,” said Reala. “The boss called me a dozy once!”
“Bet that naffed you off,” said Saturn.
“I was ruddy livid,” said Reala. “I was so angry I threw a biscuit at her.”
“Did you hit her?” asked Fuen.
“She ducked and I missed,” sighed Reala.
Yuffie laughed. “Jammy Dodger…”
Capricorn (ep. 72)
The tentacles pulled her closer. Skin pierced. Push down, fluid moving.
“Shuheretar,” uttered the beast.
“Whatever you say, mate,” she replied, kicking at its face.
Six rows of teeth came down on her ankle. She screamed. Her other leg was sucked deep inside the beasts mouth.
She knew what came next. But she wondered if the beast knew she had 500mls of poison coursing through her veins.
“I had a bad interview with a publisher once,” sighed Reala.
“What went wrong?” asked Yuffie.
“The interviewer kept asking me to spell ‘part a’ backwards,” replied Reala.
“Ah,” nodded Saturn. “It’s a trap.”
Little Fears 