Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“So why did he leave you at the side of the road?” asked Yuffie.
“He said I was a pain,” grumbled Hydra.
“How so?” asked Yuffie.
“Because I couldn’t figure out how to put my seat belt on,” moaned Hydra.
“Well that’s petty,” snorted Yuffie.
“Yeah,” said Hydra. “Then it clicked.”
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“The hold music was driving me crazy,” said Blue.
“I’m not surprised,” laughed Black.
“They didn’t fix it in the end either,” moaned Blue.
“Did the sea life centre keep a copy of the call?” asked White.
“Oh yes,” replied Blue. “They record all calls for training porpoises.”
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“Well I didn’t know,” sighed Black.
“Pretty daft question tho bro,” replied Blue.
“What’s that?” asked White.
“I’d heard of an old film about a whale that swam about with no pants on,” replied Black.
“Aye?” asked White, “what’s it called?”
Blue smirked. “Free Willy.”
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Mac’s body lay on the floor. A slow rasping exhale, the final breath. Danni stood, tears rolling down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if it was from the gun smoke, or her emotions getting the better of her.
It was OK now, though. Everything would be fine. She watched Mac’s blood forming patterns around the bumps and grooves in the floor.
The lights flickered and the moon slid behind a cloud, as the dead started pulling the door off its hinges.
“What the fuck, James,” said Shelly. “I told you this isn’t funny!”
“What’s that?” called James.
Shelly ripped the Post-It note off the mirror.
“Mine,” she read out loud. “What the fuck does that even mean, James?”
“Yeah just coming,” called James, from the other side of the mirror.
~
New video style! Age restriction because of naughty words. Colour themed to the books they come from. New microphone too! More on this in next weeks blog post.
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She fed the fibres into the flyer. She watched it weave its way onto the bobbin. She drove her foot into the pedal, harder, faster. The spinning wheel provided a cool breeze across her legs. This yarn was going to be so special. So golden. She didn’t stop spinning until she tore her scalp clean off her skull.
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“I’m pretty sure my neighbour is stalking me,” said White.
“What makes you say that?” asked Fuen.
“Well I saw him Googling my name on his mobile phone,” said White.
“Oh,” replied Fuen. “Where was that?”
“In his bedroom,” said White. “I saw it with my infrared night sight telescope. At 3 am. It was kinda hard to see through the crack in his curtains…”
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He woke up with a start. He looked down at the bed sheets. This isn’t where he went to sleep.
He woke up with a start. He ran his hand through the sand beneath him. This isn’t…
He woke up with a start. He saw a set of oncoming headlights.
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“Urgh, I have another session today,” grumped Cloud.
“What with?” asked Cloud.
“My therapist,” sighed Cloud.
“What are you seeing a therapist for?” asked Cloud.
“He says I have a preoccupation with revenge,” said Cloud. “We’ll see about that…”
~
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“So why did you change all your passwords to ‘incorrect’?” asked Fuen.
“Well,” said Spider, “I can never remember any of my passwords, and my rabbit keeps eating my password books.”
“And?” pushed Fuen.
“Well every time I get my password wrong, I get a reminder,” said Spider.
“Eh?” asked Fuen.
Spider spun her laptop around for Fuen to see the message, ‘Your password is incorrect’.
~
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Little Fears 