Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“What up, Lady Bug?” asked Monsta.
“Just back from the doc’s mate,” sighed Lady Bug.
“Oh dear,” said Monsta, “everything OK?”
“I’ve gotten a prescription of anti-gloating cream for my smugness,” grumbled Lady Bug.
“Ack,” replied Monsta. “I bet you can’t wait to rub it in.”
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“Alright bruv,” said Blue. “You look a little rattled mate.”
“Well,” replied Black, “I’m reading a horror story written in Braille.”
“Oh aye,” pondered Blue. “Any good?”
“It’s OK,” said Black. “But something bad’s going to happen. I can feel it…”
I did say I wanted horror to return to the Fears… Although… Not really what I meant… *Grins*
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“Exactly,” said Spider. “So the square route of 169 is 13.”
“Erm, Spider,” interrupted Sprite. “What are you doing?”
“I’m teaching these here pygmies math,” replied Spider, lifting a leaf to reveal hundreds of tiny creatures.
“Why?” asked Sprite.
“Something my mother used to say,” pondered Spider. “Make the little things count.”
Sprite whined.
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“So the birds took over?” asked Yuffie.
“Yeah,” grumbled Claws. “A hundred pigeons led a violent uprising.”
“Oh dear,” said Yuffie. “Did they take legal ownership of your farm as well?”
“All seventy-six acres,” cried Claws. “I tell ya, it was a planned coo.”
For anyone in need of a laugh this morning, there’s a bird I follow on Twatter. Jon Pigeon. A biscuit obsessed London pigeon who can work social media. twitter.com/pigeonjon
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“No horse,” sighed Sprite. “Your spellings as bad as the illustrators.”
“Well, the English language is stupid,” grumbled Horse. “I before e my fuzzy mane.”
“It’s a given rule mate,” replied Sprite. “Except for when my foreign neighbour Keith, a weightlifting financier from Leith, was in a feisty heist with eight reindeer.”
“Oh, piss off,” growled Horse.
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“This is not what I meant,” growled Spectre, “and you know it!”
“Well I’m not taking it back,” sighed Sprite, putting the tortoise in a chefs hat onto the kitchen counter.
“I’m with Sprite on this,” said Yuffie. “I mean, you didn’t specify a brand or anything when you asked for a slow cooker.”
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“I’ve just seen the police knocking down Black-fish’s door,” sighed Blue.
“Oh no,” gasped White. “What happened?”
“Once the door was down, they went inside and began singing ‘Every breath you take,’” replied Blue.
“I see,” pondered White. “So it was a sting?”
Shout out to my new Patreon, Clare London of clarelondon.com and thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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“What’s up?” asked Red.
“I got sacked from my job at Equine Bank,” grumbled Horse.
“Aww, I’m sorry to hear that,” said Red. “What happened?”
“Well, some old lady came in and asked me to check her balance,” grumbled Horse. “So I pushed her over.”
Now I know there’s a fear of horses! Equinophobia!
The only fear I have of ponies is that my hands getting sunburned and a pony mistakes my fingers for carrots. Shetland ponies are lovely until they see orange. Then all bets are off!
I wonder what that’s called… Carroponyfingerphobia?
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“Could someone give DCI Lily a call,” asked Reala.
“Sure,” replied Lucy. “Something up?”
“I think Sprite just stole my anti-depressants,” grumbled Reala.
“Darn,” said Fuen. “I hope he’s happy with himself.”
I didn’t find any particular phobias of pills, although there’s a lot of people with a fear of swallowing pills. I did discover there’s a medication phobia known as pharmacophobia. A fear of pharmacological treatments. That’s gotta be a bit of a bother to have.
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“You look upset,” said Pedestrian.
“Well,” sighed Puddle. “My nan just got scammed. 92 years old. They stole her credit card details and everything.”
“Darn,” replied Pedestrian. “Sounds bad!”
“It is,” sighed Puddle. “But hey, for just £25 I’ll teach you how not to get scammed.”
Hah, now that was a damp squib of a story. Do you know what isn’t a damp squib? The Little Fears tees on Threadless. You can nobble one here: littlefears.threadless.com
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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Little Fears 