Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Well,” sighed Cloud, “I need to sort out my shoplifting problem.”
“Oh,” said Cloud. “How is that working out?”
“Not as well as I’d hoped,” grumbled Cloud.
“No rush though aye?” asked Cloud.
“I guess not,” sighed Cloud. “I’m just taking things one day at a time.”
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“Another argument,” asked Fuen.
“Yeah,” sighed Sprite.
“What is it this time?” asked Fuen.
“The missus says we need more garden furniture,” grumbled Sprite. “My daughter disagrees.”
“Your missus has a point,” said Fuen.
“Eh,” replied Sprite. “I’m sitting on the fence.”
He stood on the ledge. A wave of dizziness washed over him. He did a 2-step stagger, but remained upright.
“Once it’s done,” said Jake, “I get my old life back?”
“Of course,” said Lucy.
He looked at the concrete below. Closing his eyes, he took his last step.
Lucy looked over the ledge at the red stain.
“Should have specified which old life you wanted back,” grinned Lucy.
Another one of the original six horror stories I wrote. It found its way into my second book, the horror anthology, Capricorn.
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“Lord, help me,” pleaded Sprite.
“What’s up?” asked Sprite.
“I think I have hypochondria,” replied Sprite.
“Do you know what hypochondria is?” asked Sprite.
“No idea,” said Sprite. “But I know I’ve got it.”
Looky looky! Something came in the post today!
I need to give it a few read throughs, check for mistakes and then release. I’m going to keep giving the ebook away for free for the first five days of release for the next couple of books. Despite my annoyance with freebie hunters leaving bad reviews, I get away mostly unscathed compared to most indie authors I follow. If you fancy grabbing my first three books, hit the links below.
USA Editions: http://amzn.to/2frKA6e
UK Editions: http://amzn.to/2y6t8v0
Cheers!
“I had a friend who dedicated his entire life to nurturing a lemon tree,” said Sprite.
“Nice,” replied Spectre.
“Yeah,” said Sprite. “Eighty-seven years, man and boy. Right up until the day it was struck by lightning and toppled over on top of him.”
“Damn,” said Spectre. “Did that kill him?”
“Oh aye,” said Sprite. “It was a bitter blow.”
The proof of my fourth book has been despatched by Amazon. Squee! If you fancy picking up my first three books, hit the links below.
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She ran onto the escalator, looking down behind her. It stopped at the bottom of the stairs, watching her.
Its short body, awkward arms and legs. It watched her as she rode upwards, to the street, to freedom. It sniffed the air, closing its clear white eyes. She was convinced they could smell her blood. They’d roared into a frenzy when she’d cut her leg running up the tracks.
Nearly there. She looked ahead again and ran up the last few metal steps.
“Sorry,” said the ticket attendant at the top. “They need feeding.”
Another one of the original six horror stories I wrote. It found its way into my second book, the horror anthology, Capricorn.
The image for this story was lost during that god damned, infernal pissing WordPress 5.0 update disaster.
USA Editions: http://amzn.to/2frKA6e
UK Editions: http://amzn.to/2y6t8v0
Cheers!
“New script?” asked Bee.
“Yes,” said Sprite. “Writing a show about two detectives, with a red and white Ford Gran Torino, who solve crimes over the phone.”
“Sounds original,” said Bee. “What’s it called?”
“Star Key and Hash,” replied Sprite.
My next book, Seeking Hydra, will be released soon. If you fancy grabbing my daily tales in paperback for yourself or another Fears fan (just saying, Christmas is coming), hit the links below!
USA Editions: http://amzn.to/2frKA6e
UK Editions: http://amzn.to/2y6t8v0
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“I have had an identity crisis too,” sighed Door.
“Doors have them too?” whined Hydra. “Does everyone have them?”
“At some point, most likely,” said Door. “Especially here.”
“So what’s your crisis about?” asked Hydra.
“Well for years I thought I was just a door, opening and closing, banging in the wind, locking and unlocking,” said Door.
“What changed?” asked Hydra.
“Last week,” said Door, “someone called me ajar…”
My next book, Seeking Hydra, will be released soon. If you fancy grabbing my daily tales in paperback for yourself or another Fears fan (just saying, Christmas is coming), hit the links below!
USA Editions: http://amzn.to/2frKA6e
UK Editions: http://amzn.to/2y6t8v0
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“Kill her,” flashed the terminal.
Kathy looked behind. There was a woman using a terminal on the other side of the room. Quite tall, but delicate looking. Slender arms and legs. Her thin dress seemed to hang off her bones. Easy mark.
Kathy turned back to the terminal. “Kill her.”
A shadow loomed up behind her, a slender arm bought a hammer down upon the back of Kathy’s head.
“As you ask,” said the slender woman to her terminal.
One of the first 6 horror stories I wrote for the Fears. Also published in our horror anthology, Capricorn. It would make a fab Christmas present for someone who likes horror stories. Plays jingle bell music in November. Too soon?
USA Editions: http://amzn.to/2frKA6e
UK Editions: http://amzn.to/2y6t8v0
Cheers!
The image for this story was lost during that god damned, infernal pissing WordPress 5.0 update disaster.
“Sorry I’m late,” said Yuffie.
“Quite alright,” said Sprite.
“Ruddy road hogs,” moaned Yuffie.
“What now?” asked Sprite.
“Oh I was stuck driving behind some guy whose number plate read G4ND 4LF,” replied Yuffie.
“Good plate,” laughed Sprite.
“Needless to say,” said Yuffie, “he didn’t let me pass.”
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