Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“It is amazing,” said Yuffie, gently breathing out and bending her knees.
“I think it’s the Chi,” said Fuen. “It gives me a warm and tingly feeling.”
“Warm and tingly,” muttered Clouds. “You mean like the warm and tingly you feel when you are in love?”
“Nono,” said Yuffie. “That’s common sense leaving your body.”
“I see Hydra,” said Reala. “You are applying for the job?”
“Yes yes,” said Hydra, handing over the application.
“Hmmm,” mumbled Reala, reading the appalling handwriting. “Whats this?”
“Wossat?” asked Hydra.
“Under the line ‘Incase of emergency, whom should we contact?” said Reala.
Hydra looked at the paper and squinted. “A good doctor,” he replied.
Jane watched the three deer eating the hunter’s corpses by the road side. She grinned to herself. If only her friends at the Animal Freedom Justice Association could see this.
She laughed as a stag pulled long, knotted intestines from a hunter’s stomach. It was almost the perfect end to a perfect day of animal rescue.
Now, if only she could do something about the magpies pulling her eyes out and the rabbit chewing a hole in her wind pipe.
“Oh dear, she’s so funny sometimes,” chuckled Spectre.
“Is it just daft choices she makes?” asked Sprite.
“Yep,” grinned Spectre.
“Ahhh now I wouldn’t do that,” said Yuffie.
“Hmm?” asked Spectre.
“Laugh at your missus choices,” said Yuffie.
“Why not?” asked Spectre.
“Well,” replied Yuffie, “you are one of them…”
“So why did he leave you at the side of the road?” asked Yuffie.
“He said I was a pain,” grumbled Hydra.
“How so?” asked Yuffie.
“Because I couldn’t figure out how to put my seat belt on,” moaned Hydra.
“Well that’s petty,” snorted Yuffie.
“Yeah,” said Hydra. “Then it clicked.”
~
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“The hold music was driving me crazy,” said Blue.
“I’m not surprised,” laughed Black.
“They didn’t fix it in the end either,” moaned Blue.
“Did the sea life centre keep a copy of the call?” asked White.
“Oh yes,” replied Blue. “They record all calls for training porpoises.”
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“Well I didn’t know,” sighed Black.
“Pretty daft question tho bro,” replied Blue.
“What’s that?” asked White.
“I’d heard of an old film about a whale that swam about with no pants on,” replied Black.
“Aye?” asked White, “what’s it called?”
Blue smirked. “Free Willy.”
~
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Mac’s body lay on the floor. A slow rasping exhale, the final breath. Danni stood, tears rolling down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if it was from the gun smoke, or her emotions getting the better of her.
It was OK now, though. Everything would be fine. She watched Mac’s blood forming patterns around the bumps and grooves in the floor.
The lights flickered and the moon slid behind a cloud, as the dead started pulling the door off its hinges.
“What the fuck, James,” said Shelly. “I told you this isn’t funny!”
“What’s that?” called James.
Shelly ripped the Post-It note off the mirror.
“Mine,” she read out loud. “What the fuck does that even mean, James?”
“Yeah just coming,” called James, from the other side of the mirror.
~
New video style! Age restriction because of naughty words. Colour themed to the books they come from. New microphone too! More on this in next weeks blog post.
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She fed the fibres into the flyer. She watched it weave its way onto the bobbin. She drove her foot into the pedal, harder, faster. The spinning wheel provided a cool breeze across her legs. This yarn was going to be so special. So golden. She didn’t stop spinning until she tore her scalp clean off her skull.
~
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Little Fears 