Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Exactly,” said Spider. “So the square route of 169 is 13.”
“Erm, Spider,” interrupted Sprite. “What are you doing?”
“I’m teaching these here pygmies math,” replied Spider, lifting a leaf to reveal hundreds of tiny creatures.
“Why?” asked Sprite.
“Something my mother used to say,” pondered Spider. “Make the little things count.”
Sprite whined.
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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Story by Willow Croft
Be still, they scraped.
She could hear them.
No, feel them.
Communication pulsing through the plants.
Different stages of their growth cycling into synchronicity.
Scrape, scrape, scrape. Like nails on a chalkboard.
Durthi remembered the science charts from her primary school days.
Roots. Stem. Petal. Pollen. Pistil.
All done up in pastel colours.
Cheery hues that hid their fear. Their sadness. Their pain.
And their rage. Encapsulated in tiny golden grains of pollen.
She felt that, too.
No. She tried to scrape back.
Safe, they answered, unanimously.
Warmth flowed through the root system that encased her.
She saw what they saw.
A million billion human faces bent over them.
The pistils fired.
This week’s spooky-ooky-dooky collaboration is with Willow Croft of willowcroft.blog. Another longtime Fears’erer, blogger, author and pun-lover. Cheers for the spooky-ooky-dooky’s Willow!
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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“So the birds took over?” asked Yuffie.
“Yeah,” grumbled Claws. “A hundred pigeons led a violent uprising.”
“Oh dear,” said Yuffie. “Did they take legal ownership of your farm as well?”
“All seventy-six acres,” cried Claws. “I tell ya, it was a planned coo.”
For anyone in need of a laugh this morning, there’s a bird I follow on Twatter. Jon Pigeon. A biscuit obsessed London pigeon who can work social media. twitter.com/pigeonjon
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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Jane looked at the cake in awe.
“Now close your eyes, blow out the candles and make a wish,” said Rebecca.
So Jane did, and she kept her eyes shut until her father stopped breathing.
Original photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash. Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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“No horse,” sighed Sprite. “Your spellings as bad as the illustrators.”
“Well, the English language is stupid,” grumbled Horse. “I before e my fuzzy mane.”
“It’s a given rule mate,” replied Sprite. “Except for when my foreign neighbour Keith, a weightlifting financier from Leith, was in a feisty heist with eight reindeer.”
“Oh, piss off,” growled Horse.
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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“This is not what I meant,” growled Spectre, “and you know it!”
“Well I’m not taking it back,” sighed Sprite, putting the tortoise in a chefs hat onto the kitchen counter.
“I’m with Sprite on this,” said Yuffie. “I mean, you didn’t specify a brand or anything when you asked for a slow cooker.”
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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I’ve often said, it’s hard earning a living from an online blog or business. The real money comes from the real world and paying clients. Earning entirely from the Internet can be done, but it’s something most of us won’t ever achieve.
My art prints for example. I can take them to market stalls with greetings cards and earn more in a day than my Etsy store earns in weeks. That’s partly my fault for not promoting it enough, and, from the feedback I’ve gotten, it’s also the price.
At markets, I sell them for £12. On Etsy, they’re £15. The reason for the price jump is post and packaging. You have to offer free shipping or Etsy dumps you down in search. I have to incorporate a max of £4.20 into every sale. That’s the shipping to the USA cost. I have hard backed envelopes cost, listing fees, print cost and transaction fees on top of that. Expenses stack up quickly selling Etsy. All that compared to a market stall, £10 for a day, sell as much as I can.
But look at my Etsy shop. Two years and thirty’ish sales. Actually, ignore my shop, that says fourteen. There was a digital hiccup and I lost feedback and sales last year. All the same, you get me? My Etsy store is just sitting dormant.
So, with listing fees needing to be renewed for the next three months, I’ve taken a view. Revised things a bit. The prices on all art prints have been dropped from £15 to £12 including free shipping to anywhere in the world. I also need to start working at my Etsy store. Not just dropping links to it in posts, but getting new art things on there. New original art, ACEOs, new prints like the “Drink Tea” design I have on Threadless. Not just more character images, because they just aren’t cutting it online.
This post might read like a bit of a downer, but it isn’t. I have probably broken even between sales, shipping and listing fees over the last couple of years on Etsy. So it’s cost me nothing to find out selling on Etsy doesn’t work unless you work it hard. That’s fine by me. Lessons in life, business and the Internet are rarely free.
If you fancy visiting my now slightly cheaper Etsy store, hit the following link: littlefears.etsy.com
If you want to get into Etsy yourself, I cannot recommend Melanie Greenwoods course on Skillshare enough. It’s three hours long and covers, quite literally, everything.
It is a premium course, but if you click my link to it, I believe you get two free months of Skillshare premium. https://skl.sh/2kvcAJi
Shout out to my new Patreon, Clare London of clarelondon.com and thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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“I’ve just seen the police knocking down Black-fish’s door,” sighed Blue.
“Oh no,” gasped White. “What happened?”
“Once the door was down, they went inside and began singing ‘Every breath you take,’” replied Blue.
“I see,” pondered White. “So it was a sting?”
Shout out to my new Patreon, Clare London of clarelondon.com and thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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Story by Cyranny
“Hit me again, man!”
The old neon lights flickered annoyingly, giving a cheap stroboscopic feeling to every move the barman made, behind the counter. Bolt pushed his empty glass on the bar.
“If I keep the refills coming, you’ll get totally hammered. You know that, right?”
Bolt’s stare back was probably intended as a clear request to shut up and fill his glass, but since the bar tender didn’t show any intention of reaching for the scotch bottle, Bolt mumbled…
“That would be the plan. Unless you suddenly have scruples?”
The barman laughed, and his very white teeth blinked like a Cheshire Cat disco smile.
“And what is the occasion, if I may ask?”
Bolt frowned, still waiting for his booze.
“Remember the red head girl I offered a ride home, last Friday?” The barman nodded. “Well, I gave her a ride, home. I nailed her. “
The bar tender finally reached for the bottle on the shelf.
“Did your wife….?”
“Yup, she found out. I am a terrible liar.”
The man poured him a double and gave him a sympathetic look.
“Oh, Bolt… I am sorry.”
Bolt downed the drink, and handed his glass for another.
“Yup, I’m screwed.”
This week’s Sunday collab was written by Cyranny of Cyranny’s Cove. Pretty sure y’all know Cyranny by now. A long time Fears’erer, prolific blogger and scribbler of words.
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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I do like to have something playing in the background while I doodle, write and blog. Bonus points for something educational for the grey-matter to absorb.
A browse of Skillshare this week and I found three free courses on freelancing. Figure there’s enough artists, writers and freelancers out there following for them to be a helpful share.
They are all 100% free. Just follow any links to the website, sign up, skip anything that asks you for money, and yay, free courses. If you do subscribe to Skillshare, you can get a two-month trial for $0.99 with no obligation to continue which gives you access to thousands of courses on every subject you could imagine.
So, without further ado, free freelance courses!
Going Freelance: Building and Branding Your Own Success
Now more than ever, we live in a freelance world. Eager to take the plunge or level up your own freelance game? Join Working Not Working‘s Justin Gignac and Claire Wasserman for a 50-minute dive into the essentials of going it on your own.
Each video lesson shares stories, examples, and tips to spark your thinking about ways to seek out the work you want — and draw work back to you. You’ll leave inspired to:
This class is meant to be an overview, laying the foundation for going freelance and all the things to consider. The goal is to empower, enlighten, educate, and arm everyone with the itch to go freelance!
Course Link: https://skl.sh/2GAPcnk
Bookkeeping for Freelancers: How to Handle Your Finance
The secret to becoming a successful freelancer? It all starts with bookkeeping — and it’s easier than you think!
You don’t have to be a math wiz or budding accountant to better understand and manage your business’s revenue and expenses. In this easy-to-follow class, Bench’s Emily Simcox demystifies bookkeeping and provides you with the tools you need to take control of your finances. Emily’s straightforward, step-by-step process will help you understand your options and plan your next steps with ease.
You’ll learn how to:
Whether you’re a freelancer getting ready to invoice your first client or a small business owner looking to organize your business’s spending and expenses, you’ll gain an arsenal of tools to help you streamline your finances and optimize your bookkeeping. After taking this class, you’ll be better positioned to make decisions with confidence, grow your business, and focus on the work that matters.
Course link: https://skl.sh/2DEU2iS
Building Your Freelance Business: From First Steps to Getting Paid
Join ANDCo’s Oliver Ginsburg for a step-by-step guide to the logistics of freelancing. Whether you’re new to freelance or have years of experience, you’ll learn essential tips and tricks to help you run the behind-the-scenes aspects of your business. From writing legally binding contracts to navigating your taxes, discover the tips, tools, and techniques that will take your freelance work to new heights.
Key lessons include:
Every lesson is packed with facts, resources, and expertise compiled from the experts at ANDCo. Whether you’re a side-hustler for life or a full-time freelancer, these lessons will help you build a solid business from the ground up, allowing you to be your own boss, create your own path, and focus on the work you love.
Course link: https://skl.sh/2GBaaT6
Thanks to Warren for the continued $10 Patronage.
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Little Fears 