Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
“Well, that’s stupid,” moaned Flower.
“What is?” asked Hill.
“Just bought a can opener,” grumbled Flower. “It doesn’t open cans though.”
“Ah,” said Hill. “Can’t opener.”
Flower groaned.
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“So, why did you suggest Serpent changes shape?” asked Hydra.
“Well,” sighed Red. “Humans seem to confuse serpents, snakes and evil people.”
“So she sometimes wakes as an evil woman?” pondered Hydra. “That sounds awful.”
“Oh it gets worse,” said Red. “She’s woken up as a British politician a few times.”
“The horror!” gasped Hydra.
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“Don’t beat yourself up,” said Red. “At least your form stays the same.”
“How do you mean?” asked Hydra.
“Serpent seems to be the collective idea humans have of serpents,” replied Red. “They often see her as inherently evil.”
“She’s alright though yeah?” pondered Hydra.
“Oh, she’s lovely,” replied Red. “Though she does obsess over offering people apples.”
Considering how undeniably London I am, there’s a distinct lack of cockney slang on the Little Fears…
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“I got kicked out,” sighed Scorps.
“Of what?” asked Fuen.
“Fire starting contest,” said Scorps.
“Oh dear,” said Fuen. “What for?”
“Match-fixing,” grumbled Scorps.
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“Feckin’ foxes,” she yells, kicking the bin bag.
She was baffled by how they kept coming. She’d put so much poison in her bin bags that all the neighbour’s cats and most of the dogs had died. But never all of the foxes.
She ties the top of the bin bag shut, again, and drops it in the metal can. “Feckin’ foxes.”
Last week she moved onto injecting cyanide into meat and treats, and leaving them about the estate. Nearly all the local birds were dead now.
She wanders back indoors. She feels rank break against the back of her neck. She turns. Rows of sharp yellow teeth greet her.
Feckin’ foxes.
Yep. That voice over right there is the onset of my first cold of the Autumn season… 🙂
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“Bloody teachers,” grumbled Spider.
“What’s up?” asked Serpent.
“My math tutor just called me average,” ranted Spider.
“Oh dear,” replied Serpent. “How mean…”
Normal service resumed! Kinda! You’ll notice my little slider has been removed from below posts, the flavour text at the bottom has changed and the titles are missing from the main page. There’s a handful of other changes I’ve made along with it that most folk won’t notice.
I’ve done what I can to get the like button to show up on new posts going forward, but it’s not something I care enough about to spend more time on. We were discussing on social media last week about removing likes entirely from blogs. I get a lot of people like to show like love. Myself included, I have always been a self-confessed liker. But if likes were missing from a blog, what would change? What would be missed? People won’t stop reading something if they can’t click a button at the end. If anything I imagine it would encourage more comments to be honest. It certainly has this last week.
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“My wife left me,” sighed Lucy.
“Oh dear,” said Fuen. “How are you taking it?”
“Awful,” sighed Lucy. “I have been so lonely and depressed I bought a dog, and a new motorbike then had sex with two women and spent a fortune on drink and drugs.”
“I am sorry to hear that,” replied Fuen.
“Mmm,” mumbled Lucy. “She’s gonna go mad when she gets home from the shops…”
Well, obviously Lucy was going to start migrating into some of the humorous tales. Everyone loves the wicked spirit, Lucy, right?
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Jellyfish arrived, dressed as pasta.
“OK,” said Reala. “I’ll bite.”
“Not me you won’t!” yelled Jellyfish with a smile.
“Jellyfish,” said Reala, “why are you dressed as macaroni…”
“Fake macaroni,” pipped in Jellyfish.
“Why then,” replied Reala, “are you dressed as a fake macaroni?”
Jellyfish grinned. “I’m an impasta!”
“Good grief,” sighed Reala.
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“She was hopeless,” sighed Crabs.
“That bad huh?” asked Cloud.
“Who at what?” asked Fuen.
“I took Cinderella to a charity soccer match,” said Crabs. “She was meant to be our goalie.”
“Not that good, aye?” asked Fuen, walking into it.
“Awful,” said Crabs. “She kept running away from the ball.”
Fuen winced.
Last chance to grab this month’s Creative Markets Big Bundle. $1,365 of digital goodies for just $39. The offer expires today.
Howdy gang! A very short Monday post this week. We’ve been talking on Twitter this weekend about character creation. Mostly because I’m farting them out left right and centre at the moment thanks to Inktober.
Point of the post, I came across two free courses this week on Skillshare. One from the WattPad team and one from Sarita Kolhatkar of Guild Wars 2. Both are 100% free. Sign up, skip anything that asks you to pay and take up the courses.
Starting with a blank slate is daunting, and in this class, Lindsey shares her favorite tool for overcoming writer’s block and starting your writing process: the character study.
This is a creative exercise that will help you develop characters that feel fresh and true to your writing style.
At the same time, this is also a practical exercise, giving you an informed starting place for the rest of your story, poem, or novel.
Once you have a character study, you can use it to write whatever fiction you want!
This class will inspire you to look at your everyday encounters and simple interactions as helpful starting points for developing a unique character. It’s perfect for everyone new to writing as well as writers looking to broaden their creative writing toolkit.
Course Link: http://skl.sh/2swO3FT
Grew up watching Disney movies? Love drawing and storytelling? The objective of this class is teach you the various processes and Photoshop techniques on creating a character from start to finish, following a detailed process from thumbnail concepts to a completed digital illustration with lighting and color, perfect for your portfolio.
This class is great for anyone with a passion for drawing, painting and a love for Disney Pixar movies, and have often asked themselves, “how do I make my characters look like that?”
Course Link: http://skl.sh/2x1hktT
Little Fears 